feedback request

Hi Sciwriter, I read your story Garden of Souls and I have to admit that the first thing I noticed was typo in the first sentences. Details like those are important to the reader because they can break a fantasy in a split second. There's also evidence of shoddy sentence construction in your story- "Tom Banister you say"- and this needs attention. If these mistakes are just over-sights I would advise you to get a program that has spelling and grammar checking features (ie. Word). If not, you need to learn these basic gramatical rules- get a book on writing. Otherwise, you write proficiently enough. The subject matter seems a little familiar- I suppose it's workable enough. The story appeared a little vague and rushed. I'd suggest that you rethink your pacing. Take your time and drop description and details casually into your prose, elaborating where more detail is necessary. Also, try giving the reader some background information. So they were at their mates Hallowe'en party, and? Did a game go wrong? Did they find themselves lost in the house alone before falling unconscious? The Hallowe'en theme, however, seems ripe for the supernatural theme you were following -so play on it. The reader infers some details, sure, but we want to know how he was feeling so that we can put ourselves in his place. For example, male or female? Did his head feel like it was splitting into two halves after the alcohol? Are they feeling faintly naseous? Scared? It would be worthwhile to describe the place in which they find themselves. Perhaps a paragraph devoted to the garden would be appropriate, considering that it is mentioned in the title. It's a promising story. I tend to find that, after writing, if I ignore what I have written for long enough and then go back to it, the changes suggest themselves to me naturally. I hope that you found this useful.