Women farting.

when i was a kid NO not a baby goat but a child well me and my so called mates would sit for hours on end lighting our farts at the bottom of the high rise flats its fun you shoudl try if youve never done it it works, it rally works. It was fun to say the least. I mean we would be sitting ther with our legs up in the air while one of us had lighter or match and then wooommpphh. Hey if we ever run out of natural gas we could use fart power to run the country. And i went out iwht girl for two yearsish and i nver heard her vfart once although i occasioanly seen follow throughs on her knickers ! *you heard it first on abctales.com*

the typos and mutiple posts continue...........

Is that the sanity clause?

Of course women fart. My missus let off the largest and longest fart in the history of the world whilst we were in India in 1975. We were in a small hotel room in Mysore in which the toilet was in the room. It was a communal room for four - we were very good friends! Chrisa headed for the loo in the middle of a hand of bridge (very bad form as she wasn't dummy), squatted and just let one go - it went on and on and on. At first we were stunned, then we started to laugh and we didn't stop laughing for a very long time. She didn't stop farting for a very long time either. It was enormous. It was incredible. It was loud and proud. How long? Who knows? It seemed like minutes but that seems unlikely. It was just magnificent. She came out of the little cubicle with the biggest smile on her face. Oh yes, women fart!

I can die happy now, thanks for letting me in on that Tony.

Perhaps the girls could have a farting contest at the next ABC do in Derby? I know who my fiver's on.

An interesting topic. I once had a lady friend who was adamant that she NEVER farted. I ridiculed her and told her everyone farts. 'Well 'I' don't', she declared. Oddly enough I read an article in the last 2-3 weeks about this very thing. Someone wrote a letter asking a doctor if farting was inevitable and what might happen if someone never farted. The doctor replied that it is essential for everyone to pass wind on a regular basis and that if a person managed to stop permanently they would eventually explode as the gas can't go back the other way. I should imagine that those of large proportions could hold out longer and make a bigger mess when they finally let rip. The lady in question is now deceased, but NOT through an explosion I hasten to add.

There are some choice ones on here: Try this nice ripper:

Ha! And yet... eugh.

women DON'T fart. They "pass wind" or "guff" as in the English classic "Miss Penswick and the mysterious village cake fayre murder". Quote "I do beg your pardon vicar. Lovely though the scotch eggs were, I'm afraid I've just guffed."

Do they do noisy guffs?

Well I do like a bloody good guffaw.

It seemed relevant to the discussion.

Farting is cruel people take a sick kind of pleasure when they do a silencer and know people are around to smell it... *farting is the new black*

ppprrrrrrrrrrrrrppp

*lets one rip and offs* thats all the carrot juice i've been drinking oh and by the way see if any of you guys have physical ailments DRINK loads of bottled carrot juice*

oh well you seem to have beat me to it by a millisecond, well done i'm sure its disgusting and in that breath im off...literally

Has anyone ever followed through.........unintentionally or intentionally?

I can see a bridge short story where your partner keeps making horrible overbids in your suit and leaves you to play hopeless and expensive hands, just so she can be dummy and go off for a good fart! Agatha Christie got in first with "Cards On The Table" where dummy commits a murder.

UTTERLY NOT

One last thing....i mean who would have believed it D.Bes starting a thread on Women farting? *wonders about starting a similar thread on UKA*

come on you lads, you know the best fart a woman makes, ( after sex of a certain nature!) ;0

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Not technically a fart as such as it's just so much hot air. No roman candle material ever came out there!

well seeing as the man instilled it there not surprising it's only hot air! lol

well i have to confess to having cabbage (a particularly old and limp cabbage) as part of my dinner yesterday and the effects are making themselves known today (excuse me viacr)

Via who? Apples and obviously baked beans have the same effect on me.What else?

last time I had a good fart was in a church the sound effects where brilliant as it reverberated around the ... it pays to have squeeky shoes

via vicar

Ah yes, Katrina, the old pussy fart. LOL! Did you know that a sheep farts on average 13 times a day. Now there are 44 million sheep in the UK (give or take one or two) and 138.1 million sheep in Australia. That's a hell of a lot of methane hitting the ozone layer on a daily basis!

Karl: might have known you'd be the honest one! I thought it was the bitch fart though ;0

You know me, love, I'm too polite to say that. :-)

lmao..a gent to the end!

HA! NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT NO FLIGHT HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HAHA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HHA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HAHA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA! HA! HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HAHA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HHA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HAHA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA! HA! 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HA! HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HAHA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HHA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HAHA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA! HA! HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HAHA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HHA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HAHA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA HA-HA! HA! NO FLIGHT HA!

Tony, I'm laughing my head off at your post, sounds like a whopper. My sister did the same once while we were moving some stuff. She was stood at the door to a large box van. It went on for ages, so much so that those on the outside had time to put down the sofa thay were carrying and back away. I was trapped inside. We were all laughing so much it started to come out in bursts timed with her laughter. We were crying by the end, it'd been a journey for us all.

Bit disappointed by the female contribution to this fascinating topic.

Well, by way of a slight diversion...I can't burp...and that's a fact...only VERY occasionally have I burped involuntarily. My tummy grumbles a lot...but, alas, no burps.

I knew I'd bloody miss something earth shattering in my list of top ten brilliant things! farts are, as i've always maintained, utterly superb. The accumulated hours of pure laughter I've enjoyed because of the production, detection, avoidance, assignment, discussion and reminiscence of farts must add up to months of totally free joy. Women farting is the very pinnacle of that joy. Anyone who claims not to fart is, as Missi says, lying. Anyone who considers them antisocial and disgusting needs to get a grip. Smoking is antisocial and disgusting (even though I still do it), violence, bigotry etc etc these are the things that kill people. A fart is just one of natures little happy moments. Had she decided to evolve creatures to dispose of excess gas some other way then the world would be a poorer place to live in. Don't believe me? just fart in front of a bunch of kids and see their reaction. A moment of shared happiness for free. Everyone's a winner. When women fart and enjoy it I rejoice. When they fart and deny it I just laugh my arse off anyway. Get a whoopie cushion and catch someone out with it. If you're not pissing yourself with laughter then get the next cab to the morgue because you might as well be dead.

Suppose it's possible she only farts when going for a crap...and thinks that doesn't count. Oi! Who started this conversation!

Some things are better done in private. As I don't feel letting off goes with my image I meditate hard on the upper part of my body - I've found you can divert the wind so it comes out not even as a burp but a gentle sigh. And I avoid digestive biscuits.

A voice of sanity at last.