Would appreciate some advice and/or opinionated criticism

i prefer toy town though 'cloud tops' doesn't work for me, the first line is intriguing, it needs some work, read some poetry on here 'little ditty' is excellent but there are tons of others. you will learn so much by commenting on what you like and don't about others. good luck in your writing. Juliet

Toy Town: http://www.abctales.com/node/550411 Walking Home One Night: http://www.abctales.com/node/550412 I think there are some really nice images in Walking Home One Night but the line breaks are a bit clunky in places and I think it'd benefit from a bit of a re-work. Not sure about the consecutive lines ending in 'ash' either. It's a matter of personal preference, but have you thought about trying only using capital letters at the beginning of lines when it's the start of a sentence? It might make it more of an easy read... Blazing phoenix of the sun, descended and extinguished in crimson brilliance Ah, I don't know, maybe that's just me. Juliet's right though, there are some awesome poets on this site, do lots of reading and get inspired! lib

I prefer Toy Town too - its simple and well written. I think what you have to work with when youre writing poetry (tho this is a very generalised statement) is the fun of playing with unusualness. Its no fun to read or write images or phrases that you hear all the time, its the idiosyncracies and the wierdness that intrigue. I really like the line 'My feet are dragged by puppet strings' but I think 'hollow wooden breast' could be changed to something subtler and more interesting. I agree with lib - the best tip is read read read. TS Eliot isnt everyone's cup of tea but his Four Quartets are lovely to read for those reasons. And keep reworking - keep rewriting. Anyway, good luck!