Bonny Craigallen by tom_saunders

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Sun, 2006-05-21 15:24

http://www.abctales.com/story/tom_saunders/bonny-craigallen

This is such a brilliantly gorgeous piece of writing that it seems almost churlish to offer any crit of it, but I felt that the end sort of deflated on itself. The link between the protagonist and the subject of the song is there, true, but I felt that the parallels between the arrogant brutality of Craigallen and the protagonist's previous existence weren't... acknowledged... somehow, right at the end, by the protagonist, that Craigallen's brutishness can't be seen by the singers as anything but 'noble', which it wasn't. I can't quite explain it...it just fell a little flat.

Other than that, I nearly wept at the excellence of this piece.

Sun, 2006-05-21 16:55

Juliet OC

a beautifully written tale. The ending for me was not flat, (but then i think with Tom's writing i don't expect twists or revelations it is not his style) it hinted to me that despite his 'new life', he still hasn't really understood that violence is wrong - in his morality, it is a dog eat dog world, and he is arrogant enough to believe that he is like Bonny Craigallen, and to look up to this thug. A very plausible and interesting character, who i can imagine liking and loathing at the same time. He reminds me a little of 'Beggarmaster' a wonderful character in Rohinton Mistry's A fine balance. Juliet

Juliet

Sun, 2006-05-21 19:11

archergirl

I would agree that he hasn't understood it; I think I was looking for that revelation in the ending and instead got a 'Well, too bad' ending. But my! such a story.

Mon, 2006-05-22 22:08

maddan

Excellent piece of writing. It's a fairly hackneyed kind of character (I was a bit worried it was going to go all A History Of Violence at one point) but done really well. Agree about the ending.

Tue, 2006-05-23 07:47

tom_saunders

Thanks, AG, Juliet, Dan. Appreciate your comments. I think it's important not to close off the end of a short story. The narrator talks about his old self in the past tense in the last paragraph. The song is obviously a lie (they often are). The narrator knows it's a lie, explains it's a lie. He doesn't join in when it's sung. If you want to buy my book, visit my blog: http://whatisthisstrangeplace.blogspot.com/(link is external)

Tue, 2006-05-23 11:12

richardw

I would have liked the ending to have, well 'ended' before the bar scene. This would have left the story unresolved, but the mythological part sticks in my throat (kailyard we ca' it) and I wouldn't have minded a little bit of a dilemma for the character in place. The dialogue's spot on around the Augustus John part, and I would have liked to hear more of the Gault character in direct speech. Since John Gault, I've really loved that name in stories.

www.unreasonablepress.com(link is external)

Thu, 2006-05-25 13:02

tom_saunders

Ah, but I see the myth of the outlaw and the pathology of the professional criminal as inextricably linked, Richard. Hence the story. I think maybe the narrator is living his dilemma day by day. If you want to buy my book, visit my blog: http://whatisthisstrangeplace.blogspot.com/(link is external)

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