Round the Turf Fire by mcscraic

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Sun, 2006-09-24 22:59

http://www.abctales.com/story/mcscraic/round-the-turf-fire

I enjoyed the idea of a holy armchair immensely. People collapsing into chairs would also make for good physical humor on the stage.

The superstitious stories and lengths they go to in order to dissuade Paddy from emigrating was also amusing.

Having said that, there are a few points which I feel could be improved or clarified.

Some simple typing/spelling mistakes:

Kate ' "What's for desert Ma ?
--Should be with two s'es... dessert

Paddy-" Hey . I can do what I want . I'm a bog boy now .
--Unless Paddy has developed an inexplicable desire to live in wetlands, you probably meant a BIG boy.

And just a suggestion..just my own opinion:

Ireland is your home and your home is in Ireland .
--could become---> Your family is your home and your home is in Ireland.

Some other points also confused me a bit.

The family is supposed to be poor, right? But then, how did Paddy manage to save up enough money to get a ticket to America? It's possible that he did, but given his family's situation I think that they would have noticed if part of his income had gone into his secret stash. Perhaps you could have him go as an indentured servant?

The packet of potato crisps was kind of out of place in my opinion. It seems unlikely that there would be a packet of potato crisps available, and even if there was, I don't think the family would have been able to spare the money to buy it. This little joke detracts to much from the feeling and plausibility of the whole scenario, so I think it should be removed.

The same with Mr. Potato Head... According to Wikipedia (not a very reliable source...but good enough), this was "first sold to the public in 1952". If it WAS 1952 or later, then potato crisps wouldn't have been much of a modern snack, and the family would probably have had much more knowledge about America than the story suggests.

So the potato crisps and Potato Head joke could be, in my opinion, removed from the piece entirely with little (probably no) damage to the plot.

Another minor point... Father Michael winks, and then collapses onto the floor... I don't really know why he needs to collapse, since Paddy wasn't planning on leaving or anything. And after he collapses and all attention is on him, he doesn't say much. After one line, he just steps aside and lets Lord Hugh do the talking. (And what is a Lord doing with these people??)

Just my opinion of course. Maybe I'm just being picky.

Keep it up!

Mon, 2006-09-25 13:05

mcscraic

The lengths to which to read and presented your invaluable comments is brilliant . I have to agree with the spelling mistakes . Thanks for that . I think your idea about re-phrasing the line Ireland is your home and your home is in Ireland to , Your family is your home and your home is in Ireland is an improvment , then I read it again and came up with a few other lines like , Your home is with your family in Ireland , or You family and your home is here in Ireland . I will however make the change you suggested . The price of the ticket is always as you say the biggest hurdle facing anyone looking at emigrating . I will take you advice and introduce the indentured servant possibly a male nurse or kitchen hand recieving his assisted passage from the prospective employer . Maybe the Lord Hugh could become Hughie and Fr Michael refrain from falling to the floor with little to say . I apprecaite your well written disection of the sketch . It was constructive in every way . Thanks , I'll get on to those changes .

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