Bad writing
Thu, 2002-04-04 07:34
#1
Bad writing
I was going over all the poems i've ever written[which aren't really that many] And shaking my head in despair at my apalling attempts and i thought "How can i have the nerve to ask someone to comment on such bad rubbish?".Yes i know i could comment on other people's stories and hope they could return the favour but every one seems so much better or worse that i can't presume to advise those better than me and i don't have the heart to criticize the very few worse!
Aren't i pathetic!Any way to get to the point,i thought it would be fun to start a new section on ABC tales where everyone sends in the most dismal thing they've ever written.It might be good for a laugh...........might also provide people like me with a chance to get their work booed if not applauded!Has it already been done?....no cheating though.No sending in good work pretending you think it's terrible so that you're flooded with what are you doing heres!
Neil_the_auditor
I watched a programme about a middle-aged lady writer who churned out soft porn romances by the bucketload. The phrase she was keying in at the time had me howling with laughter:-
"He pleasured her without mercy"
And one I found on the internet recently looking for other short story sites:
"As she pleasures Nigel, her own juices are beginning to boil inside..."
and as the pace begins to hot up
"He takes her further down the tunnel of love".
The more explicit it gets, the funnier it gets.
And, much as I love "Lord Of The Rings",
"I deem it to be thy doom" doesn't quite ring true.
Sailormoon
It makes sense to keep your bad writing a pull out any bits that aren't useless to generate new ideas.
Lord Of The Rings is excellent.
Bad writing traits- Cliche, Repetition, lack of description of setting, Forgetting to give the reader a sense of time and it's passing, not building up atmosphere enough, using stereotypes unless you mean to purposefuly do it, muddling tenses past, pres future. One thing my lecturer did tell our class at uni was that a writer once wrote a character being able to see what was going on behind her when she was faced forwards. Watch punctuation and grammar, it is not acceptable to use isn't, wouldn't, couldn't etc. You have to spell out the full phrase. You can use abbreviated versions in dialogue though. Also flat unrealistic dialogue is dreary and lacklustre. It should be sparky and no two characters should share the same voice patterning.
Andrea
I LIKE that idea! Boy, have I written some dismal stuff.
Andrea
My poetry is legendary for its 'dismality'- you just ask any of the guys!
I'll knock out a bit o' doggeral now, if you like...
Snoop Doggy Doggerel
Andrea,
Have you got any tiny tiny poems about really really small birds?
I do miss Phyllis so....
Here's a 'small' homage (geddit?)
tiny bird
tiny bird
so small
your voice
cannot
be heard
except
by people
with really
big ears.
This story has been read 1 times
This story has been given an average score of ********** by 7,000 readers
chant
oh tiny little flutterer, the sorrows of the small,
you dropped two tears to mingle in the flowing Senegal.
and the thank you that you uttered was the saddest ever heard,
in the Senegambian jungle, from the mouth of beast or.....
tiny, tiny, little bird.
Snoopy
that was LOVELY chant.
"thank you"
ps
I "do" hope that the Senegambian jungle is the tiniest in the world.
Chant
Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem.
Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem.
Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem.
Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem.
Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem.
Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem.
Sister Chun
that was a LOVELY chant.
"thank you"
ps
I "do" hope that the pie iesu tiniest in the world.
Donna Ice
that was a LOVELY chant, chant.
"thank you"
ps
I "do" hope that Sister Chun is the tiniest nun in the world.
Stormy_Petrol
i am.
Andrea
Oh, I miss dear Phyllis, too...
My ode to Pee...er...Phyllis:
A silly bugger is my cat,
Black 'n' white 'n' fit.
It spends its life upon its back
Unless it nabs a tit.
It chews 'em up and spits 'em out,
Contented as can be.
All tiny feathered friends they shout
And fly for nearest tree.
Don't do 'em any good, alas,
'cos cat he's bloody clever.
Devotes his life to birds en masse,
The tinier the better.
Well, I realise it's not quite up to Phyllis' standard, but one can only try one's best.
Perhaps one day I, too, will become a master such as she. One can only hope...
Chant, your poem was truly exquisite!
Primate
I can't hold it in anymore! I CONFESS! I was the one that murdered Phyllis! I chopped her up and fed her to Aardvark, my pet raven. It seemed fitting. That woman really got on my tits...
Shabnam
Cut it out you guys!
You're only making me snort ,
not shake my head in despair !
Something inside starts melting
Like hot wax dripping
Down the side of a candle
In the heat of a brilliant flame
Whenever you call my name
Can you respect me then
Though you find wax molten
In a pool at your feet........
I challenge you to write something more nauseating than that,
molten wax and all!First prize........ a budgie,
Second prize............banishment to Senegambian jungle.
Andrea
Well, I'm sure that was QUITE nauseating enough for poor Phyllis.
Still, if you insist....I'll be back.
*flexes fingers*
Pete
One night I was writing when I came over all James Ellroy on bad acid. This line just shot out onto the page. It didn't stay too long.
'A thrill cocktail with a slice of danger shivered through him.'
Laugh? Just a little. Oh, the joy of aspiring to greatness.
john
Tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet
quack quack quack quack quack
tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet
quack quack quack quack quack
Ladywriter
MOST entertaining - thank you, John.