Enthusiasm by Raul
Thu, 2005-12-22 19:14
#1
Enthusiasm by Raul
Raul asked me to comment on his story but is not accepting emails.It is clear that English is his second language which does make it difficult but I can see what he is getting at.Anyone else able to make a helpful comment?I am really more into poetry.
thanks, why do you say that is clear that english is my second language? ;)
Hi Raul, I agree with Camilla, the use of english makes your story a little difficult to read, I will give you one of the easier to explain examples here, however if you accepted emails I'm sure it would be easier as people could contact you directly and go into more depth with you.
Ok..this line
'The project was filed, the expedition mounted flight and never again nobody visited the planet.'
It is not possible to say, 'and never again nobody visited the planet.'
Instead it should read 'and nobody ever visited the planet again.'
This is what Camilla means by
'It is clear that English is his second language which does make it difficult'
Good luck.
A.