My Demon by lisa hinsley

Thanks for the flag Archergirl. I originally had the name as Cat/Catherine. Juliet had a look and suggested (correctly in my opinion) that having Clive in a cat suit and the main character named Cat was confusing. I will look at increasing descriptions. This is the first chapter of a book I'm not yet finished. Basically Clive comes in a messes about in Alex's life ruining everything. I'll post more chapters as I edit them.

Lisa that is great, i really enjoyed reading it. Maybe you should post a brief blurb about it, to pique peoples interest. the synposis you sent me reveals the depth that this story will encompass. I like Alex better than Cat and I can see how this is an issue between her and her mother, it didn't confuse me, but then i know more about the story, however if others note it to, then maybe it is time for a third name change!! Looking forward to chapter 2 Juliet

Poor girl will get so confused! I liked Alex/Alexandria as it means 'Protector of Mankind' which fits in with the tale. On a seperate note, can someone more experienced than me (not hard) please tell me how much you give away in a synopsis. This could be for here or for a publisher/agent. I don't want to give the whole tale away, but I want to spark an interest. Lisa

Having just finally completed the synopsis for my novel and having read what seems like hundreds of articles on the how to write a synopsis I can tell you that writing a synopsis is one of the hardest pieces of writing I have ever done. And through all those articles I read they all agreed one one thing: A synopsis that is going to an agent or publisher must contain every major event and plot point in the story Including the ending. You must not hold anything back. I read your story Lisa and I think it is good with plenty of potential but I agree with what archergirl said about showing and not telling. You are fortunate to have her flag and comment on your piece, she always gives fair and honest comments and advice. The only thing I would add would be that I'd like to see you reign back your use of adverbs, especially after dialogue. Oh and I like the name Alex :)

I really am trying with the showing/telling and don't seem to have mastered it yet, but I'm trying! I will also go back in and cull the adverbs best I can. Thanks for the crit. Here is a basic synopsis. Alex begins to have this character named Clive appear in her life. He starts meddling in her life and shows an ability to see the future, and slowly gains control over the young Alex. After gaining her trust, he shows her what he’d really come over (from his dimension) to do. There is a race of beings leaking over from his dimension, taking over people and he gives her the ability to see those who have been taken. They emit a blue smoke when they breath, and he now tells her these creatures have to be killed, and she’s one of a select few given the power to free mankind. She then starts small (with a cat) and it all goes downhill from there. I like Alex as well.