Rainy Day by Sporky

Okay, well I liked the different descriptions of the rain 'it always cut him deep' verged on cliche but worked. I also like anything that has different character points of view in it. From his perspective is he idealising his daughter and his old relationship? You could show this in other ways than just saying how beautiful she is, or how she was the important thing in the world. A scene where they are actually doing something together, and his daughter does something specific to her and shows us why he loves her might work... You seem to have covered a massive amount of time in the space of the story... It all depends what you want to do with it... There are a lot of 'thoughts' and not many 'events'... The note with the word 'Goodbye' is intriguing, and we never find out why she left it, just that she regrets it. If you want to bring her point of view into the story, I feel it would need to be longer, and more plot based rather than thought based. I'm not sure I'm a fan of them both having their hands against glass, although I lie what that represents symbolically - all people capable of feeling, emotion, loss. Connectedness - although I think it is an image that has been done many times - especially in film. My personal suggestion would be to decide what part of the story you really want to tell - is it the day she left from both of their points of view - or is later, when she is regretting it? And if you want to span years, maybe you need to restructure the story and make it longer, and show some more action, rather than report or tell it. Hope that helps. I liked all the different rain bits - it's hard to write about rain as it is such a well-used metaphor. I also liked the last line 'But it was an answer she could never give.' as I liked the idea that she didnt' know why she left - especially as he is always looking for the answer 'why'... Fergal.