At the going down of the sun.

4 posts / 0 new

Topic locked

Thu, 2006-02-16 10:44

http://www.abctales.com/node/549426

I like this, I can identify with the feelings which makes a poem work. The only change I would make would be minor, look at :-
"I looked back at a crowded canvas", suggesting an artist, now take,
"And when the reel finally runs out" , this suggests looking back on life as a film, the two images seem to clash, maybe that's the intention, it's only one thought. Lisa.

Thu, 2006-02-16 11:08

marandina

Thanks Lisa. I did think of that but I did like the way it contradicted the earlier image. Just me being too clever I suppose. Glad you liked it although it is a bit maudlin. Thanks for the feedback!

Thu, 2006-02-16 11:44

marandina

In fact, I've now changed it. It works better now. Thanks again...

Thu, 2006-02-16 15:38

QueenElf

That's much better, although if you still wanted the artist theme you could end with something like this, " A final brushstroke cannot heal". As for maudlin, I think it's more to do with sensetivity, didn't poets like Shelley and Byron use this to the full? You cerainly got loads of reads. Lisax

Lfuller

Topic locked