Naughty By Nature 4 (edit)

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Thu, 2006-02-23 01:18

Am I mistaken Harry or have you removed a lot of dialogue in your edited version of this?
I have read through the chapter again, I do think it is an interesting and well written story.
However there is so much detail in your recollections, presumably you can put in some more direct quoted speech. Slang and turns of phrase would give the piece more colour and provide more variety in the text. The reader wants to know how people talk in the world you are describing. As I mentioned before, I can visualize this as a screenplay...

Thu, 2006-02-23 14:15

Moimo

Cheers for the feedback Chimps, you're right I have removed some of the dialogue, I try to keep it in as plane an English as poss cause I often find people aint got a clue what I'm on about otherwise and a lot of the language would be full of cussing. Any suggestions as to how I could explain slang so the reader understands would be appreciated. Harry Kerdean

Fri, 2006-02-24 00:51

chimpy

This is where your knowledge of the milieu comes in, rack your brain for expressions, slang words, colourful phrases. Make notes now when you hear people talking. A famous WW2 memoir by George Millar, "Winged Hornet" about his experiences in the French resistance was heavily criticized for containing so much detail and dialogue, people said it must have been invented, how could he possibly remember it? also he wrote the book in English, whereas the events described happened in France. But it's a racy read, and does it matter?

Fri, 2006-02-24 12:20

Moimo

I know what you mean and I'll try it, unfortunately many of the terms of phrase used can have multiple meaning, for example ' after I served him up' can mean after I sold him drugs or after I stabbed him. Gear is another one, it refers to a number of different drugs and a joey is either a handbag or similar bag or a small drug deal, the latter actually comes from the former, a small bag. But there are plenty of terms of phrase that I can use. Cheers for the advice. Harry Kerdean

Fri, 2006-02-24 12:21

Moimo

Also serve up can mean have sex with but I try to forget that I once spoke about such matters in such a degrading way. Honestly I'm not like that now. Harry Kerdean

Fri, 2006-02-24 14:18

josiedog

Write it as it was Harry, and the authenticity will hold up. Don't worry about spoonfeeding the reader, they'll get the hang of the slang and patois. He ain;t my fave, but Irvine Welsh just wrote in dialect and it was better for it. Russell Hoban ("Riddley Walker") used his own version of English language and Anthony Burgess ("Clockwork Orange") made up his own slang. And it worked fine. If you've been there, and you know the sound of those voices, (as you have) then you'll do a better job than someone trying to conjure it up.

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