Anamysztike - Enzo
http://www.abctales.com/story/enzo-v2-0/anamysztike-1-westerly-to-bath
I wanted to flag this up because I think it is very good. There are several reasons for this. Most of them involve the deft writing style, the original way in which ideas are expressed, the deadpan humour, the way that hints at what may come are dotted, subtly, through the piece. Also, the quiet menace or threat that something terrible might happen.
The idea of a narrator following car numberplates, following words that appeal to him, is really good. Original. It sort of made me want to do it. Like shaking a dice, but much better.
'And if I liked the word, I would follow the car. Sometimes I'd do that for hours. One time, I ended up in Bath, which is about 110 miles from London. It was because of the number plate X721 WSL, which became 'westerly'. And it was west that I headed, following the number plate and following the word.'
This sets up lots of potential themes for the rest of the book - how the lead character is taken by things, on a seeming whim (same of his reaction to the name and face of Anamysztike)...that he has no set place he belongs, that he is 'looking' for something...
This works in simple things too, like 'Later that day I stood at the foot of the Corcovado Mountain and looked up at the outstretched arms of Christ the Redeemer. I'd had enough.'
or 'My mother lived for less than fifty-five years, despite being born almost a century after Gustav Lindenthal, in an age of pharmaceuticals and scans and radiotherapy,'
I also like the assides, which say a lot about the narrator and his interests and temperament, such as 'Synonyms of 'commiserations' include 'bad luck' and 'nevermind' and 'better luck next time'. I like it.
It is all very taut, precise, with a hint of promise. There is enough intrigue to make the reader read on. I want to read on.
The way this is written makes me a) want to know where his whims will take him b) what the hints about 'redemption' are about - does he need to be redeemed? c) will he meet Anamysztike, d) think about the religious stuff.. the narrator says he has no religious background, but there are various religious images, concepts in this chapter, and the tension between this works well and e) What will happen with Olga? Because the narrator lets his decisions happen for him, this sets up the idea that anything might happen.
Stylewise, I would consider taking out a couple of extraneous things, such as:
'That lesson was not there to be learned at my mother's funeral.' - that was implied by what came previously, and I think it is more powerful without.
'she said angrily' - take out angrily... her words tell us she's angry, and saying she's angry takes the force out of it. Also, because Olga is such an intriguiing character just having her say that stuff makes it interesting... maybe she's angry, maybe she's playing... the reader can make up his/her own mind.
I think I said before I'd take out the word paedophile.... I like that setence better if she just said, 'He's playing Humbert Humbert,' instead. It just sounds more like something someone might say, and Olga doesn't strike me as someone who would explain herself.
I would have to read the rest to know whether the stylistic thing of having little chunks would work in a novel - I found it fine here, in fact I found it held my interest and I liked the way that worked - but it might be hard to continue over 65,000 words...
All in all, top drawer, well written, original and cherry worthy, methinks.
