Cold Kisses

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Thu, 2006-11-02 16:10

Anonymous

Cold Kisses

http://www.abctales.com/node/556360

Lily, I can see you've done a lot of work on this one, and it's a well-deserved cherry. You really captured this young girl, her feelings toward her mother, toward the trip.

I like the sound of "ousts the frowst for a few moments, but I've no idea what frowsts are. Also it could do with a bit of spacing ' especially that very long paragraph in the middle.

"Jesus made of metal ' I liked that, and the way her mind changed in the end, about "home ' that was also nicely done.

Foster.

Fri, 2006-11-03 07:53

littlethistle

Foster, Thank you for your attentive reading and commenting my story. It's very helpful to get feedback. I'm glad you like the 'Jesus made of metal' image. It came from the uncconscious during a writing exercise.The frowst seems to be Brit. colloquial for stuffy air and I used it for the sake of sound. But I'm not sure about it myself. Thanks again -Lily-

Fri, 2006-11-03 13:46

Foster

Reads much better now that you've spaced it.

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