RE: The Farm. Prologue

In the fourth sentence, Yoda, it sounds like. Wierd and offputting that is. It's all right, bit flowery and heavy on the adjectives for my tastes - but all right. Not much more I can say about something so short - but I'd have kept reading if there was more. By the way, it's generally frowned upon to start topics on your own work. Personally I don't mind that much but expect people to get annoyed if you make a habit of it.

Start a topic in the style of Yoda we should. Hate George Lucas I do! Complete twat he is, yes!

Hiya :-) I like the storey, interesting. SOunds like an intense situation. I would love to know a little more of when and where this is happening. Is it the middle ages, is it the modern times etc? You can include tiny clues for the reader so they get an idea of where this is all occuring. Remember a reader goes into reading something knowing absolutely nothing. Im new to writing but what i try to do now is instead of picturing the scene first, i imagine a blank canvas and I have to fill the gaps in - this includes, time, space, people etc.... Also at the beginning some of the sentences doesnt read well for me. The first one needs to be looked at I think 'SMOKE SPIRALED and kissed his nostrils, unforgiving' I think could be changed to 'The Smoke Spiralled, kissing his nostrels unforgivingly' - or something like that. It seems the style of writing improves a lot towards the end, so the beginning needs work but the second half is very good. For some reason im imagining a northern ireland situation, and youre main character is a policemen - but thats probably just my imagination, as no clues are given. I advice a book alled 'Elements of Style' - pretty good for dos and donts of writing, there are probably others on the market, but this is one im familiar with. Good luck p.s. sorry on behalf of other people who give poor comments on forums. As a member of the human race I humbly apologise for them as their brains appear not to have developed yet. Its unfortunate that we all share 98% of our DNA ;-) pps - please have a look at my stuff. I think my later chapters are better as my style has improved since starting. Need to work on those earlier ones as this is a first attempt - its very fun though

The sentences seem to start a bit abruptly in some places, but it's good nevertheless with some effect descriptions.

Maddan is right about the adjectives and the Yoda-like sentence construction. For example: "Barely could he see his hand at his face ... Into shadow the enemy had retreated." Could be improved as follows: "He could barely see his hand at his face ... The enemy had retreated into the shadow."