EXPECTATIONS by Nikaya999

This would would work well as a pastiche of a sixties performance poet. Shattering... US! I'm sorry but I just can't take capitalised endings seriously. It's like signposting: here comes the important bit! The poem does come across as somewhat self-important. The repitition, the single words to a line, the inversions: this is poetry that wants you to know it is poetry. Sometimes, a little understatement goes a long way. And what does: "Me, whose he was" mean? I'd like to read more of your stuff - do you have anything more accessible, less abstract? Have you tried writing any poems that are not so open? This one left me cold. Joe

I wouldn't suggest you replace it with anything. I'd like to read you trying something different is all: how about a sestina? or a narrative poem? or a sonnet? or a prose poem? It just strikes me that there are alot of poems on ABC like yours. Press the random story button and I guarantee there will be a lot of poems - much worse than yours - that go something like this: My heart rots burns ablaze. This world falls turns my gaze. Finally, if only, US. Heart-breaking. They might all be genius but then again, they might not. I'd just like to see something a bit different, that's all. Experiment with rhyme, with form, with details, with history, with characters, with confessionalism etc etc. Up for the challenge? Joe

Huzzah! I look forward to it. I've just had a siesta... *rubs eyes*