Span - savings
Tue, 2005-11-22 16:20
#1
Span - savings
http://www.abctales.com/node/546380
This is disturbing and about as unsexy as they come. Urgh.
But I love the images - the mountaineering hands is spot on.
Also the rhythm and sound of the ending is perfect.
I'm surprised this was not cherried over 'handle', which was cherried. I like 'handle' a lot but I think this is far superior.
Nice.
Joe
span
Thank you Joe.
And thank you Pesky. I agree, I am not sure about the sliding down throat lilke milk line either.
First draft see, good to know what does not work, so thank you!
I prefer Savings too, although I think it needs a lot of work.
Span x
Brooklands
Here's the link to the cherried poem, for comparison...
http://www.abctales.com/node/546379