Sonnet of the Famished Man.. by Rokkitnite
Tue, 2006-01-10 00:45
#1
Sonnet of the Famished Man.. by Rokkitnite
http://www.abctales.com/story/rokkitnite/sonnet-of-the-famished-man
Hello Rokkitnite.
A heart's just a sac in a cockpit of bone.
A girl's just a chassis, a frame.
She'll melt like ice cream slouched in a cone.
It reins in days like a string bag holds tangerines.
May i say that these few very oringinal and poweful images really structure this poem for me .. :)
rokkitnite
Yes, Maisie, of course you may. Glad you liked it. I seem to be writing a lot of rather bleak stuff at the moment!
span
There are bits of this I think are stunning!
I loved the tangerines and the heart as a sac in a cockpit of bone.
Visceral and cruel.
I really did love it.
My only hesitation is that maybe it is a bit too clever?
Span
mcmanaman
Stunning indeed, and it improves with every read.
rokkitnite
Thanks a lot for your feedback. It was a speed poem. I'm quite into poetic forms with looser than normal metre at the moment. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Clearly my metamorphosis into Evil Tim has paid dividends.
Brooklands
The form is used brilliantly, I think. The rhymes don't clang (except for the final couplet but that can't be helped - damn you, Shakespeare...) and the images are complex enough, as Macca, says to demand a second reading and some further thought.
'Sac' is such a cool word.
Joe