bananas and brown sauce

the lord giveth and the lord taketh away.

This will be more helpful: http://www.abctales.com/story/maggie1/bananas-and-brown-sauce-chapter-on... maggie1, I've had a read. My first suggestion would be to go back and rework the punctuation. You have several sentences that run for an entire paragraph! They could easily be broken down into individual sentences, which will make the story flow better. It will also be easier for other members to read if you put a double-space between paragraphs (this is a format preference more than anything else). The story is a decent one, potentially a very good one, and certainly age-appropriate; but again, perhaps you could re-do the punctuation so it's less distracting, and then resubmit so we can get to the nitty-gritty of the story? Thanks! archergirl