Borough Market - poetjude

'belching smoke' was a later addition which is rather lazy and adds nothing to the poem so I've lost that line entirely 'June gives a whiteness to the stall canopies, penciling like parachutes through the dribble thin clouds.' - was originally penciling like parachutes through the dribble thin clouds. which makes sense. But I didn't like the sound so changed it hoping it would still read okay but of course it doesn't so I have changed it back. Thanks for the comments Ferg, they were very helpful and much appreciated.

i have to say i loved the penciling like parachutes line and it seemed clear to me both ways round. i acutally prefered the line starting with penciling rather than like - don't mean to confuse - either way i saw the red and white vertical stripes. Juliet

Maybe the heat was getting to me ... the line was and is again was originally 'like parachutes penciling through the dribble thin clouds.' problem with 'penciling like parachutes through the dribble thin clouds' is that it suggests movement. And the canopies are immobile! But I totally agree with you, pencilling starting the line sounds better! Cheers for the comments I'm going to have to delete this entire ABC set shortly because comp rules state entries shouldn't have been broadcast before. Even in the event of me being shortlisted they probably wont check but better safe than sorry! j