My first poem

Not really clear what you're trying to say with this. On the one hand: "Everybody has given up on him, he feels rejected and lost" On the other: "For he is in my thoughts and prayers, and will forever be A man who is loved by his family, and close friends True love, they guarantee" Either everyone's given up on him or he is in your thoughts and prayers and loved by his family and close friends. It's difficult to see how both statements can be true. I'm not sure whether this is poem about one individual addict or is meant to be about addicts in general. If it's about one individual, it needs more specific detail about the person involved so the reader gets an idea of who they are and why they're in the situation they're in. If it's about addicts in general, you need to be clearer about you're trying to say. Many people with serious addictions are not unconditionally loved by anyone. Your position might be that everyone's loved by God, if so, you'd need to make that clearer. Whether or not someone's loved by humans or a higher power, it's extremely rare for anyone to overcome an addiction by just realising one day that they don't need drugs. Once again, though, from the point of view of making this a good poem, if you do have an idea of how that might happen, you need to explain what it is.

Dear Ant Welcome to the site. I read your poem 'addict' and have a few comments. Please do no think I am being unkind - the writing on this site includes some stuff of a very high standard. Criticism is given to help people improve and develop. My first comment would be to read lots of poetry here on ABC and elsewhere - anthologies, magazines, pamphlets, comp collections - read deeply and widely to give you a good understanding of what poetry is, what other contemporary poets are doing 'out there'. The subject of 'addict' has been tackled by many a poet and it is therefore quite tired. But nonetheless, a skilled poet can turn the most hackneyed subject into a fascinating piece, if he is talking from personal experience rather than something you read on the news. But even something from the media can be turned into a good piece if a poet can pull some good visualisation from his toolkit. The first impression is that this poem is written by somebody who has no first hand experience of this kind of addiction. If I am wrong, I apologise but think this is suited to 'recovery' websites ...unfortunately the AA 'Share' mag only accepts articles not poetry. If it is written from personal experience you need to communicate this experience - read articles (online) about imagry, use of metaphor and so on. If I am right, you may wish to start with something closer to home. It is easier for a beginner. There are a few common pitfalls you have fallen into - stating the obvious eg 'weeps real tears' where 'weeps' on its own would suffice. Confused adjectives - tormented lies, gather in his mind His mind can be tormented but how can a lie be tormented? also the comma isn't needed. Repetition sometimes repetition can be used to great effect but it looks a little ill thought out in your poem (substance, lies, ) also synonyms or close synonyms close to each other is a type of unecessary repetition, e.g. safe and secure. Statements like 'How I would like to hug this guy' are just a tad too cheesy! I hope you keep reading and writing and developing. ABC site etiquette is that you do not upload more than 3 pieces a day (to avoid 'flooding the gallery') . Text speak (eg 'u' instead of 'you')isn't really done here. also join in the online community, reading, commenting and even buying a mug as well as writing and asking for crit. again, welcome to the site. jude "Cacoethes scribendi" http://www.judesworld.net

oops...I cross posted with Bukh. what he says is spot-on! jude "Cacoethes scribendi" http://www.judesworld.net