Silver sailing soldiers by mikepyro

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Wed, 2006-04-26 19:18

http://www.abctales.com/story/mikepyro/silver-sailing-soldiers

i really like the rythmn you create in the first stanza, like marching. You maintain it in the 2nd but the third loses it before returning in the 4th. I assuming the rythmn changed was intentional in the 3rd but i stumble over it. Not being a poet i don't know how to advise - but i am sure other good poets on here will.

there are some lovely lines in this.

Soap scum sentinels,
scrubbing shining hulls

Juliet

Wed, 2006-04-26 23:26

mikepyro

Well thx Juliet. I enjoyed writing this, I may go and edit the third stanza a bit. I was hoping for some critisism or advice. I think that this has to be one of my best poems, not as good as my last "Paint me the Sky" but I enjoyed writing it very much. Anyway, thanks so much for flag juliet. keep on writing :)

Give me the beat boys and free my soul! I wanna getta lost in ya rock n' roll and drift away. Drift away...

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