Murderers always clean the murder weapon meticulously, afterwards by JulietOC

that's creepy SSS. well Juliet did it again, i loved this story, it made me want to laugh then it just changes up so quickly on you. very well written. good job.

that's creepy SSS. well Juliet did it again, i loved this story, it made me want to laugh then it just changes up so quickly on you. very well written. good job.

ty for the flag and comments - i didn't realise it was humourous until you both said it, and Mike the way you describe how it all changes is exactly what i was hoping readers would feel. However i would really appreciate some crit (constructive of course) on this piece, particularly the end - does it work, are there poor or over cliched descriptions, do i create a sense of character. All and any comments welcome. Juliet 5pm p.s. just had another look at it - following some useful advice - i think it is clearer now.

the end would be the only part needing work. i think when it starts to ramble, like madness, some of the phrases seem outta place. I don;t exactly know how to describe it. But the ending could use some but then again that is some good crazy. :)

wow - that was cool. I really enjoyed this. I think you did a fine job of painting someone who is fighting a war inside their own head. Regarding the ending--I thought it was great and tied it all together for me. Prior to that I had to pay close attention lest I miss something. However the ending, turned the light on for me. I'm glad I had a chance to read it.. thanks :) - ilsa

Juliet, Loved this! Very creepy, but I agree that the ending needs a little tightening. Here's my opinion, might help. I have incorporated the last para earlier. I think that line is stronger to end on. Just my opinion, throw it to the wind if you want! The whole thing worked great with the total descent into lunacy. * I’m not… get off me, I’m not going, let go of me, I’m not going, Magic where are you, mummy where are you…? I’M NOT GOING! Please not that, please don’t stick that in me…help me…I’ll be a good girl; I’ll take my pills, Daddy... don’t cry daddy, I love you daddy! I’ll be a good girl, I promise only ple-e-e-e-ese stop crying, please stop crying… daddy… I’m scared, I’m scared I won’t come home again, I’m scared I’ve gone too far, it’s not my fault daddy… ~~~ I’m sick, aren’t I Daddy. * Lisa

ty for your comments Isla - fighting a war inside her head was exactly the image i was trying to portray - specifically the manic episodes in bi-polar disorder. and Lisa your suggestion is spot on - thanks - have moved the sentence - much better. Juliet

Juliet, Nicely done, works really well now. Glad to be of assistance! :) Lisa