RE: In Another Dimension - By Ian Paul Lambert

Ian, the unspoken site etiquette is to read and comment on the work of others, and thus (hopefully) others will do likewise - you won't attract much response by posting it in the forums. However, seeing as you didn't know that I will give it a read and tell you what I think. At a glance it's very long indeed, which is very off-putting - the best thing to do is post it in more digestible chunks.

Ian, your basic story so far is sound, but after your character's outburst in the bank the introduction and early chapters are very long winded and you've included too many details that are not essential to the story. People want to know why this man kills people, not every intimate detail of his background! You need to edit this heavily, polish the plot and work on your writing, which is promising (or I wouldn't have bothered commenting) but a bit clumsy in places. Writing is hard work - the first draft often comes easy, but it takes blood, sweat and tears to make something readable. Don't worry about it, just do it - the desired results will come in time, given sufficient determination. Good luck, I look forward to reading your future efforts. There are a lot of helpful folk on this site, if you comment on some of the stuff you like you'll find many are more than willing to help.