Forever World

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Mon, 2006-04-10 20:43

Forever World

http://www.abctales.com/node/551493

I am not entirely sure if people comment on work or not so hopefully this is where I can get some feedback on the two chapters. Any comments at at all...

Mon, 2006-04-10 20:53

QueenElf

I was going to e-mail you, but couldn't. I don't really like commenting too much on a new writer's style or story. But here goes, I think you need to break up the narrative, it was quite hard to read. I thought a few words may be beyond a child's vocabulary, but I don't know your nieces ages. Words like "plethora" are more suited to adults. But apart from that I liked it.

Lfuller

Mon, 2006-04-10 20:58

Martyn_Conterio

Thanks, I admit I should have changed the format to break it down a little. I just cut and pasted from the word document. My neices are eight and ten, their quite intelligent and they know to look up 'big' words, plus I didnt want it to be childish and wanted to introduce them to larger more complex words.

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