Left Ahead by bsalyers

4 posts / 0 new

Topic locked

Tue, 2006-07-18 16:06

I just loved this - the writing isn't espcecially good, the format could do weith improving but the idea is just spot on. Brilliant. It's such a good take on a theme that's been explored before. bsalyers - go back through it, make it as tight as you can, but don't lose that beautiful, lazy rhythmn that says so much about the writer and the world he now lives in.

Go read it:

http://www.abctales.com/story/bsalyers/left-ahead

Tue, 2006-07-18 16:28

bsalyers

I don't really consider myself a writer; I'm just so put off by the state of the world in general and my nation in particular. That said, I'd love to improve the piece and am happy to receive your critique and kind words. Thanks for both.

Tue, 2006-07-18 18:31

Juliet OC

i agree there is a clear voice in this and the reveal of what has happened is paced well. The letter vehicle works well as a means of conveying the story. Juliet

Juliet

Sat, 2006-07-29 18:20

neilmc

I think you're a very good writer and this piece is tremendous. I like the downbeat folksy style, in contrast to the emotionally rabid and unbalanced way in which most christians end up writing this kind of stuff; then when you spot the gentle barbs such as the "Godly pursuits" including "legislating the rabble from the streets" and "lounging on the clouds" you realise you're reading well-disguised polemic, but it carries you along to the (unstated) conclusion that we'd be better off without christians, at least the USA-style ones! Will pass this to my christian friends and see how they react!

Topic locked