Errata... - Rokkitnite

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Errata... - Rokkitnite

Of all the writers on ABCtales Rokkitnite is, in my opinion, just about the most proficient at bending the English language to his will. In both poetry and prose, I find his turn of phrase consistently smart and witty - to the point of laughing out loud at times.

I admire the richness of this piece. Pace-wise it's great and it's incredibly descriptive. But there's a thing. As I read it, I wondered, 'Who is the audience for this?'

Perhaps I'm just not smart enough. I found myself having to reread even the first line:

"The lift doors separated like a split peach and a lanky pine puppet gangled into the room, all twine and gleaming ball-joints."

While this clearly demonstrates the writer's capability, I found I stumbled over it quite badly. And here:

"On the escritoire, revealed, denuded, was a small grey box."

I can see why escritoire and denuded are the *right* words. I can. But I found myself thinking about the words more than the sentence, and again had to reread.

Again here: "mouth carved in a square-toothed perma-grin."

It's a small example, but I paused at the end - for a good 2 seconds - and wondered what that would look like. It disrupted the flow of words in my head.

And I think that's where I struggled here. I think that the vocabulary and frankly wonderful use of language actually distracted me from the content at times, and I now wonder where I would be left if I was reading more than a couple of thousand words. Probably needing a bit of a lie down.

Like I say, it could just be me.

Cheers
Ben

Hi Ben. Thanks loads for taking the time to read and feedback on this. I've been feeling a bit crappy about my writing of late so it means a lot. Re: audience, you know, I'm not convinced this book necessarily has one, at least, not one large enough to make it commercially viable. I can tell you my influences: Saki, Hunter S Thompson, Damon Runyon, and, latterly, Steve Aylett. Here's the opening of Aylett's Dummyland: (http://www.amazon.com/gp/reader/0575074108/ref=sib_dp_pt/105-6505223-589...) In the doll forge a dozen steaming mimiques stood rigid in a row. Behind them the express fiend machine was coughing sparks to the floor, its piston knuckles shuffling like a coinwalk trick. I remember sitting in the offices of a book review magazine, picking Dummyland up from the interminable piles of volumes for review, and reading those lines. I was utterly baffled. I didn't get it. But I was intrigued. So I persevered. The magic of Steve Aylett is his ability to lay down two or more ideas that imply a third, trusting that the connection will take place in the reader's mind. I didn't get the 'coinwalk trick' image for several reads, until I 'saw' a magician or Broadway gangster walking a dime across his knuckles, and then it made sense. And what the hell's a mimique? Doll forge? Hunnhh?! My hope (based on scant evidence, admittedly) is that it's a technique that you get accustomed to after time. I certainly don't think it's 'just you' as far as finding the style difficult goes. I'm aiming for something rich that rewards attention on a line-by-line basis. After reading Steve Aylett I've found a lot of literary and genre fiction boring and lazy. Several times I've given up writing Errata (as I've renamed the city) because I've felt keenly aware that there's probably not an audience. But I *enjoy* writing it, gosh darn it! And that's what's kept me coming back. I'm not sure how to make the style more accessible without simply diluting it. Answers on a postcard. Anyhow, thank you. I really appreciate your comments.
Enzo v2.0
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As someone who writes, I'd say f*ck commercial viability as far as this goes - I'm sure you could write enough things that are commercially viable, just do what your doing and make sure you're happy with the end result. I'm not so certain it's not commercially viable anyway. As a someone who reads, all I'd say is: When you've finished, go back to the start and make sure the first few pages are as engaging as possible. I don't think the style would necessarily turn people off anyway, but like you say it can be difficult. I think it's reasonable to say that if you can hook people on those first few pages then you're okay. The danger would be that both the style and content would feel too alien to the reader from the start, and they wouldn't push on to make sense of it. I'm not suggesting you dilute the start, I'm just thinking that if it were immediately accessible and thought-provoking, people will be more likely to stay the course and to make the effort to want to be rewarded by it line-by-line. No matter what, it's a real achievement to write in this way; if this is what causes you to feel crappy about your writing I don't think you've much to worry about! Enzo.. Read my rubbish novel as it happens! http://somesolitude.wordpress.com/
Good point, Ben. And a good flag. The general rule of thumb, I think, is that you should read your writing aloud - if it's difficult to say then it probably needs a rewrite. But simply because the words themselves are foremost doesn't necessary mean it's badly written: If you read "The Salt Eaters" by Toni Cade Bambara or "The Electric Kool Aid Acid Test" by Tom Wolfe, you sometimes find yourself working hard as a reader to keep up. Often the language is important, and deserves to be at the forefront. But Rokkit - you have to test yourself constantly, and give the words a grilling. Should the language be in the spotlight, or is it eclipsing what you're actually trying to convey?
Here's the link to it, by the way: http://www.abctales.com/story/rokkitnite/errata-tenth-episode---trouble-... I particularly enjoyed the deja vu joke - pure Monty Python.
Why can't I do links?
I found it a bit hard going at first but once I got into it the piece was entertaining and you get a mental picture of the whole. It wouldn't be my first choice of style but if you read some of 'the greats' like Joyce's 'The Dubliners' (which I don't think makes sense to anybody) and Woolf's 'To The Lighthouse' and they are just as confusing and need some effort to get into the story. Anyway, if you enjoy writing them Rokkitnite then thats all the reason you need to continue and I'm sure some of us will continue to enjoy reading them!!
Ditto!
www.abctales.com/story/rokkitnite/errata-tenth-episode---trouble-at-the-top I've been really enjoying these chapters. I'm not always in the mood for this type of reading experience but, when I am, I really enjoy it. The text becomes so limber when Tim writes like this - it's very exciting. Joe
Thanks for the support, chaps! I'm sure there's plenty of scope for redrafting, and it's something I've been doing periodically. I shall press on.
Foster
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I realize this thread’s been dormant for a few days, but I’m just back from vacation, and had to offer up some support – this is quite an achievement, Tim. You have absolute control over these words, and you make them behave as you wish (sort of what Ben opened this thread with…). The language is strong, and the images clear, so I’d delete most of the thirty-something –LY adverbs I counted – writing like this doesn’t need them (no writing needs them, IMO). foster.
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