New Year's Eve

Posted by Highhat on Mon, 31 Dec 2012

Here I am -still alone. I would like to drink some champagne tonight but don't have any and don't really see the point. It's only going to be me and then Oskar's dog. He will be good company but I am tired of my own company- Christmas, my birthday and now New Year's Eve. I wouldn't mind going to a party though. I lead such a dull life. But that is my own choice. Mostly I keep to myself. I'm too self-conscious around people- never really got rid of that feeling. I suppose it is immature but I am awkward around real life people. I seem to feel much better when communication is in writing. I really feel as though I can control myself better and life seems not as rough and less complicated. I do love to see my sisters - but they know me and everything about my life. Not that I try to hide the real facts- just don't care to talk about them and they invariably surface when you are around others. Like "what do you do for a living?" " I am on disability benefits and have been for 22 years"- then people don't know what to say.I think they think- if she's been ill for that many years ,why isn't she dead yet? I don't know what they think. I'm not interested. Not in real-life people I have nothing in common with. Who just may feel sorry for me and never read a word I have written. I think the next time someone asks I am going to say "I am a poet" and see what their reaction is. Yes I'll do that.

Comments

Submitted by well-wisher on
Sorry to hear that you're alone at New Years Eve. I would probably be alone if I didn't have my immediate family (Brother, Sister, Father and Mother) to spend it with. To be honest I've always thought that New Years Eve celebrations are quite dull; people, alcohol, singing Auld Lang Syne and making New Years resolutions and thats it really. I put Old Father Time and Baby New Year in my writing but they're not really big symbols like the Easter Bunny or Pumpkins or Santa Clause. People in Scotland are supposed to do something called 'First Footing' and I did it when I was a child but I think its gone out of fashion. I could probably make up some better traditions but I'd be the only person doing them. Better to conform to something dull than be interesting all by myself.

Oh look, a link. I wonder where it leads.

JoHn

Submitted by Highhat on
Hi John- my son turned up shortly before midnight and we drank some cheap champagne and toasted the New Year together. Then we went outside to see the fireworks. They were absolutely magnificent. The neighbours had spent a fortune- we live in a rather affluent neighbourhood- it was so pretty. So it all turned out for the better and I felt much better for that. But thank you. What's 'First Footing'- never heard of it- sounds interesting.

Submitted by celticman on
he's been ill for that many years ,why isn't she dead yet?' I think Pia that's government thinking. the private you and the public you are two different people, but for most folk it's like that. Some just hide it better.

 

Submitted by Highhat on
Thanks a lot Stan. I was alone all christmas and on my birthday the 28th but NYE my son turned up after all shortly before midnight and we toasted the new year in cheap champagne and saw the fireworks together- they were truly amazing. It turned out to be a good evening after all. Hope this year is a good one for you.

Submitted by denni1 on
There's lots of folk alone on all those bloomin' days. Including valentines day, fathers day, mothers day, Easter, Xmas, New year. The list is endless. When someone asks you what job you do, you say whatever you like. A poet is perfect. Bugger other folk, and you're never alone with us lot! Dx

Submitted by Highhat on
Nope don't feel alone with you about Denni.. ;)Pia