I think I've got my head caught in a sleeve (a work in progress)

This is part 1 of the second chapter in Tom Booth's struggle to find happiness through tendencies of hedonism and what is expected of him from society. I had written Tom's second chapter however I think due to a break in writing I had progressed too quickly in what is meant to be a slow progression of his ideas and language. I am now writing a bridging chapter that consists of two parts (should these just be chapters in their own right?) so the jump in progression isn't too jarring and we get a bit more context. PLEASE give me constructive criticism as I haven't been in education for over eight years and really need the help; writing is merely a hobby so I really need your help to get better!