Chpt 4 Social Effects of Being Single

Chapter Four – If you don’t have children, how has your single status affected you socially?

Respondent 1:

Donna,

Except for the mentioned “episode”, I have not really been affected as I have single friends.

(Response to Q3 was: Yes, I had a hysterectomy at 36, and got a bit emotional at a church camp when I saw all the kids with their families.)

Respondent 2:

Alyss, 

I find myself in the social circles of friends and their children’s birthday parties, which is a blessing to be a part of, and a heartache sometimes that gets me questioning my purpose too. Friends’ lives revolve around their children, from finances to daily time management. With the loss of time and finances, socializing with them is limited in the one-on-one spaces we used to share. As this moment stands, by God’s strange sense of humour perhaps, I have ended up in a very family-work orientated space that is too far for my single friends to travel to. I am not invited into the family orientated circles nearby, which is understandable as I could be considered a stranger really. This means that I am more alone than I have ever been before, partly from work exhaustion, which then leaves me without energy to make the efforts I used to make to visit others. If I don’t make the effort to reach out, then I seldom hear from anyone. My phone has gone deathly quiet and I am assuming this is God saying that He is preparing me for a whole new story, whatever it may be… but then that may be the crazy side of me I mentioned before. So, this solo space in my 40s is having a weird, isolating effect on me socially.

Respondent 2b:

CJ 

I work a lot so my social life is minimal. I have enjoyed socializing with my friends who have kids very much and I enjoy spoiling their children. However, I do tend to spend more time with my single friends.

Respondent 3:

Alexa, 

When I’ve moved to new places, I’m not included in the social circles at church of people my own age because their lives revolve around their children.  I don’t fit into that space. 

Respondent 4:

KA, 

I never wanted to have children. I never saw this as odd – I just never wanted any. Generally, this has not affected me at all. It gives me time to go and see my family and my friends, and I’m more available to get involved with my church, Lifeline, my work, dancing etc…. There was one lady I remember, who tried to make me feel quite terrible for not ‘using my God-given ability’ to have children, but I honestly don’t let people like this affect me. Usually, that has more to do with their own issues, than with me personally.

Respondent 4b:

NH,

I feel like a lot of mothers make new friends at that point in their life when their kids are young.  That has perhaps created some distance with girlfriends I have had for years – when they took a path I couldn’t follow.  I would say there is a social impact even when considering my relationships with couples.  It becomes harder to socialise when friends have partners because you are always the third wheel.  It changes the dynamic of the relationship with girlfriends.  I feel this especially in the Church environment, where there is more awareness around the appropriateness of male/female relationships.  Although I understand the wisdom behind this, it doesn’t make the realities of it any easier to deal with.  I can never be invited around for a meal at couple’s house.  Inevitably, I am left to socialise with the other single females in the church, who are either much younger or older than me.  We are in different stages of our lives so it can be hard to relate to each other.