Har

It was the late night that did it, playing Portishead records with a bottle of Jack D and a packet of black Sobranies for company. By twelve o'clock I was singing, 'Nobody loves me¦' in a hoarse growl. By two I was attempting to play solo Twister to prove that friends are just not necessary in life. By three thirty I had stolen the pot plant from outside flat six and chucked it out of my top floor window. I've had enough of decorative frippery for one lifetime.

There's an awful moment in any friendship when it becomes obvious that you no longer like each other. Pop quiz, hotshot. What do you do? 1. Call it a day