John

John and I were thrown together for some karmic reason. He was 22 years older than me and our relationship was a spiritual one.I just found some writing the morning after his deathwhich I like to share with you.I give thanks to John, a ..very human extremely kind to people and the smallest creature on earth. A humble man. Very much misunderstood during his life time as he could not express or show his REAL Self.Stubburn to the extreme. Very intelligent but clever to hide this from everyone as he was secretive but not deceiving, curtious to all honest and generous.A w icked sense of humor. He lived in the shadow of his elder brother. Spiritually open he was very much aware of the world in its true nature and he knew where he came from and belonged..Each morning he prayed and thanked God for his life and his existance. Heknew but feared God forever aware though. We had endless dicussions about that-but feelings of having been "bad" never left him. He felf inadequate on earth..I feel that was carmic and living through Altzheimer where he ha to expose himselfto the extreme,beeing that of a Private person.Finally having to learn to let go.He spent 7 years in a nursing home. The love of the Staff who looked after him for so many years helped him to begin to see that it was allright to be volnurable the very emotion he abhorred. He taught me a lot and I wish I had written a diary as our relationship was so unique and very spiritual and very loving. Our coming together must have been preordained.We came from words apart and were worlds apart.Still it workrd. Weneeded each other for very different reasons and I feel we both succeeded in our vision as to what we had to do and what was from our SELVES.I truly loved John as I loved Ruth his previous wife.It is difficult to put into words how amazingly our relationship progreesed over the 20 years we were together. There were difficult times too but our love and connectin for each other never wavered.. I dont feel sad but immensly grateful for having shared earth time with John.He was a wonderful teacher for me in his life but most of all, I know he is very happy now. He will finally acknowledge that what he did for me was just as good as I did for him. That makes me smile with happiness. The words he so often said: You will never know how much you did for me.....and I replied...and you will know how much you did fir me until you go back home to heaven, (he always felt he didn't do enough) Bless you John...I will see you when I get back too.