Tales from Happy Island
Tales from Happy Island
- 2148 reads
(1) The Boatman Problem
I was woken at 6.30 one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and hurried downstairs to find Alun in excited mood. “It’s the boatman Jed, he’s going to Canada.”
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- 2112 reads
(3) The Death Problem
“This is a right mess you’ve gotten us into Jed,” Alun said. “Pushing Death into the River Styx where he faces certain death, meaning that we have to cover his role.
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- 1089 reads
The Atlantis Problem
Always a keen explorer, many’s the morning my grandfather would wake me early with an excited shake of my shoulder. “Wake up, Jed,” he would say, “...
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- 805 reads
The Cassette Problem
I was nine years old and I was woken at just after 6.30 one morning by a hammering on our back door.
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- 1566 reads
The Competition Problem
I was woken at just after 6.30 one morning by a hammering on my back door.
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- 904 reads
The Dalek Problem
I was woken up at about 6.30 a.m. by a hammering on my door. “Come in Alun,” I shouted. I dressed and went downstairs to find Alun in an agitated state.
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- 1923 reads
The Dalek Problem (2)
I was woken up at about 6.30 a.m. by a hammering on my back door. I dressed quickly and hurried downstairs, to find Alun in an agitated state. “The Daleks are returning Jed,” he said.
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- 1943 reads
The Economic Problem
The only time Alun ever wore glasses was to assess my naked body.
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- 1319 reads
The Election Problem
It was 6.30 a.m. when I was woken by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and shouted for Alun to come in. He was clearly agitated and refused to sit while I made us both coffee.
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- 3742 reads
The Elephant Problem
I was woken at just after 6.30 one morning by a hammering on my back door.
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- 1039 reads
The end of the world problem
I was woken at 6.30 in the morning by a hammering on my door.
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- 889 reads
The environmental problem
I was woken up at about 6.30 in the morning by a hammering on my door. “Come in,” I shouted down to Alun, “put the kettle on, I’m just getting dressed.”
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- 1527 reads
The Five Elephants Problem
I was woken at 6.30 a.m. by a hammering on my back door. I dressed quickly and shouted for Alun to come in.
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- 1425 reads
The footprint problem
“There’s a footprint, Jed. In the wet sand on the North shore."
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- 1820 reads
The God Problem
I was woken by a hammering on my back door. Looking at my clock I was surprised to see it was barely 6.00 in the morning. ‘Who could it be at this hour’ I wondered.
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- 1415 reads
The great expectations problem
I was woken early one morning by the ceaseless ringing of the bells from the prison ships camped offshore.
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- 649 reads
The Immigration Problem
It was 6.30 a.m. when I was woken by a hammering on my door. I quickly dressed and shouted for Alun to come in. He was clearly agitated and refused to sit while I made us both coffee.
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- 2796 reads
The King Arthur Problem
I was woken at 6.30 a.m. by a hammering on my back door. I dressed quickly and shouted for Alun to come in. “I’ve found a body, Jed,” Alun shouted excitedly as I was coming down the stairs.
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- 852 reads
The Mafia Problem
I was woken just before 6.00 one morning by a total stranger jamming a knife against my throat.
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- 4 comments
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- 1371 reads
The Map Problem (IP)
I was woken up at about 6.30 in the morning by a hammering on my door. “Come in,” I shouted down to Alun, “put the kettle on, I’m just getting dressed.”
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- 1787 reads
The Mary Beard Problem
I was woken at 6.30 in the morning by a hammering on my door. “I’ve got mail Jed.”
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- 4679 reads
The Messiah problem
Very early one morning I was watching my geep on the hillside when I was awoken by a vigorous shaking of my shoulder. It was Alun.
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- 2827 reads
The meteor shower problem
I was woken up at about 6.00 a.m. by a hammering on my door, followed by somebody crashing and banging about in my kitchen.
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- 1337 reads
The Monster Problem (IP from a few weeks ago)
I was woken at 6.30 in the morning by a hammering on my door.
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- 2175 reads
The Moon Landing Problem (IP from last week)
My father was woken at 6.30 one morning by a banging on his back door. He quickly dressed, pausing only to straighten his tie in the mirror, and rushed downstairs.
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- 989 reads
The Nazi problem
My grandfather was woken at 6.30 one morning by a hammering on his door. He dressed quickly and rushed downstairs to find Alan (Alun’s grandfather) in an agitated state.
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- 1576 reads
The Oblong Problem
I was woken just after 6.00 in the morning by a hammering on my back door.
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- 8 comments
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- 2932 reads
The Pirate Problem
“Time to get up, Cuthroat Jed,” he said, “great booty is afoot. We shall plunder and pillage ‘til nightfall or my names not Captain Alun.”
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- 1012 reads
The Roadsign Problem
I was woken at 6.15 one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly threw on some clothes and hurried downstairs, where Alun was pacing up and down in an agitated state.
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- 814 reads
The Ronnie O’Sullivan Problem
I was woken at 6.30 one morning by a hammering my back door. ‘Who can that be at this early hour?’ I wondered to myself.
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- 2221 reads
The Sandy Island Problem
I was woken at 6.30 one morning by a hammering my back door. ‘Who can that be at this early hour?’ I wondered.
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- 829 reads
The Toast Problem
I was woken up at about 6.00 a.m. by a hammering on my door.
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- 1108 reads
The War Problem
It was 6.30 a.m. when I heard a hammering at my door. I quickly dressed and shouted for Alun to come in. He was clearly agitated. “We’re at war Jed,” he said.
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- 7 comments
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- 2209 reads
The Winter Festival Problem
One morning, I was woken at just after 6.30 by a hammering on my back door. ‘Who can that be?’ I wondered, before realising that, of course, it must...
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- 806 reads
The Bird problem
I was woken at just after 4.40 one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly threw on some clothes and rushed downstairs, to find Alun in an...
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- 979 reads
The smuggling problem
Neither Alun nor I ever had a proper holiday when we were young. Mum couldn’t travel far because of her condition, and Alun’s dad’s blacklist of...
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- 1507 reads
The Dog Problem
I was woken at just after 4.40 one morning by a hammering on my back door. I was most surprised. It’s extremely rare for Alun to rise before dawn and...
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- 1379 reads
The Parent problem
Death is somehow magnified a thousand times when you inhabit a land where the total population is in single figures. Alun’s mother had died when he...
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- 666 reads
The clown school problem
I hated clown-school. The summer school for wannabe clowns was established on Happy Island, in what had been the empty house, when I was aged 17. It...
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- 542 reads
The sale of Happy Island
Sometimes I think that the sole purpose of government is to make life more difficult for off-mainlanders such as myself. For example, one morning I...
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- 1000 reads
Some of the things my mother managed to worry about
One of the many unpleasant features of my mother’s condition is that dementia is common in the later stages. Not, in my mother’s case, dementia in...
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- 686 reads
Funeral
One morning my mother and I were woken by a polite knocking on our back door. We quickly dressed and rushed downstairs, expecting bad news, as bad...
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- 774 reads
The international political crisis
Our island rarely receives visitors. Bar the occasional visit from Mary Beard, I can’t remember the last time a mainlander set foot on our shores, so...
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- 1324 reads
The tube of death pills
“I just want a pill so I can end it all Jed.” At times mother got quite bleak about her condition. As someone who’d always been active, she was...
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- 1967 reads
The carer
I was sixteen when Alun left for the mainland to study for his medical degree. Alun’s father had died just a few months before, meaning I was left to...
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- 1135 reads
The smoking ban problem
I have simply lost count of the number of times this quiet, peaceful island on which I live has been brought to a state of chaos by the unnecessary...
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- 488 reads
The environmental problem (play)
Sfx… Hammering on door. ALUN: ( shouting ) “It’s me Jed.” Jed enters, wearing dressing gown. JED: “Of course it’s you. There are only the two of us...
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- 556 reads
The Pub Problem
News happens infrequently on Happy Island. Excitement is an occasional visitor. As for ‘new, exciting things’, these are simply unheard of. Or so I...
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- 1007 reads
Therapy?
It was Mr Hurdy who forced me to see a psychotherapist. He said that I needed to address what he called my ‘irrational detachment from the mainland...
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- 737 reads
The Lottery problem
I’m not a gambling man and neither is Alun. However, life in a two-man kingdom can tend towards the tedious on occasion, and in order to liven things...
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- 944 reads
My father
I googled the name on the birth certificate Alun had given me. There were a few people with that name, but most of them were the wrong age, or from...
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- 1139 reads
The freedom problem
After my mother’s funeral I spent a week by myself, visiting some of the less well known islands in our archipelago: Invisible Island, the Silly...
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- 669 reads
The Novel problem
With a successful career as a journalist and advertising copy writer, I was inspired to live my dream. To become a writer. I had always wanted to...
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- 4 comments
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- 1271 reads
The dragon problem
I was woken early one morning by the sound of six geep rushing through the geep-flap in my back door. I was just drifting back off to sleep when I...
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- 616 reads
Death and the council official
I wasn’t asleep but it was like I was dreaming. Here I was, once more dressed in the Robe of Mortal Doom and carrying the Sword of Destiny. I was...
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- 502 reads
The Sailor problem
I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs to find Alun in an agitated mood. “What on...
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- 4 comments
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- 1301 reads
The Santa Claus problem
I was woken early one Christmas Eve by a hammering on my back door. “What is it?” I shouted down the stairs. “It’s Santa Claus, Jed,” said Alun, “He’...
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- 782 reads
The Philosophy problem
I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs, to find Alun, busy jumping up and down. “What...
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- 3 comments
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- 1089 reads
The self-propelled island problem
I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly rushed downstairs to find Alun waving a piece of paper excitedly. “We’ve got...
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- 1090 reads
The snow problem
I was woken at just after 7.30 one morning by my alarm clock. ‘Strange,’ I thought to myself, ‘Alun usually wakes me before now on his way back from...
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- 1053 reads
the funeral problem
Jane came with me to the funeral. We left little Jed with one of Jane's friends, another unemployed Dalek. My father had very little family, he never...
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- 543 reads
The radio problem
I was woken early one morning by the sound of someone hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs, where Alun was excitedly...
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- 3 comments
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- 1119 reads
The egg problem
I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. ‘That’s funny’ I thought to myself, ‘Alun usually knocks quietly and politely, I wonder...
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- 4 comments
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- 1197 reads
The Mendip problem
I was woken at just after 6.35 one morning by a hammering on my back door. I threw on some clothes and hurried downstairs, where I found Alun in a...
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- 571 reads
The Bad King John Problem
I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I rushed downstairs to find Alun waving a five pound note. “What is it?” I asked. We...
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- 4 comments
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- 1621 reads
The Greyhound problem
I was woken early one morning by a polite knocking on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs – a polite knock is usually a sign of bad...
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- 6 comments
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- 2116 reads
The Coalmine problem (1)
The Happy Island coalmine was once the biggest off-mainland mine in the whole kingdom, employing hundreds of miners and support staff. Alas, after...
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- 1176 reads
The pie problem
Jed was sleeping in again. He wasn’t there to meet the morning boat, and when I called round his house the lazy scamp was still asleep. It was after...
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- 1310 reads
The coalmine problem (2)
Part two of the story - part one can be seen here: http://www.abctales.com/story/other-terrence-oblong/coalmine-problem-1
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- 921 reads
The Meteor Problem (1)
I was woken at just after 6.30 one morning by a polite, but firm, knocking on my back door. How strange. It clearly wasn’t Alun’s knock, yet Alun is...
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- 832 reads
The Meteor Problem (2)
Thick cloud hung over Happy Island, an impenetrable blanket of blackness, the sun shied away day after day and not so much as a stray twinkle of...
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- 4 comments
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- 1283 reads
The goldmine problem (1)
I was woken early one morning by a formal, polite knocking on my back door, the type of knock you might associate with a lawyer from the mainland. I...
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- 1092 reads
The Lighthouse problem (1)
Autumn. Alun and I sat on the western cliff watching the day slowly disappear, the sun descend, redden and fade. We stared for a while out at the...
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- 1014 reads
The Meteor Problem (3)
I had expected the Happy Island to Antarctica cruise ship to go straight to Antarctica, but as we passed the Big Important Mainland Dock, the cruise...
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- 1031 reads
The goldmine problem (2)
Though Klondike Island lies on the same archipelago as Happy Island, it is a journey of several hundred miles, due to the complex geography of the...
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- 1658 reads
The goldmine problem (3)
We had arrived at claim 127, the gold claim we had inherited from our uncle, just in time for the start of summer, the brief period when the ice-hard...
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- 479 reads
The Meteor Problem (4)
It was a tense journey to the Antarctic, as I was sharing a boat with the great rivals Aaron and Alun Davies, who both claimed full rights to the...
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- 658 reads
The Wind Up Bird Problem
Alun loved Mr Tibbles. Mr Tibbles was his cat, who Alun had trained to play the Theremin. Mr Tibbles had achieved considerable acclaim throughout our...
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- 1246 reads
The alien invasion problem
I was woken at 6.05 one morning by a frantic hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs, to find Alun in an unusually anxious...
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- 2 comments
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- 977 reads
The Heffalump Problem
It was barely 6.29 in the morning when I was woken by a loud knocking on my back door. ‘Who on earth could it be?’ I wondered, but of course it was...
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- 8 comments
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- 4709 reads
The unexpected basket problem
I was woken early by an unexpected knocking on my back door. My clock read “4:35”, which meant that it was 5:32 a.m. Happy Island time, or 5.38 a.m...
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- 974 reads
The survivors of the Jonathan problem
It was a stormy night, but somehow I managed to fall asleep, in spite of the wind hurling mercilessly at my rooftop and all the accompanying noise...
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- 9 comments
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- 4491 reads
The Guinness Book of Records Problem
I was woken early one morning by a loud banging on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs to find Alun standing there with two...
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- 859 reads
The Brad Pitt problem
I was woken early one morning by a loud knocking on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs where I found Alun, pointing excitedly at...
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- 688 reads
The fire problem
I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly changed out of my nightclothes into something more suitable, checked my hair...
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- 1 comment
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- 821 reads
The Happy Island Radio Show Problem
One morning, I was woken early by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs, to find Alun in an excited state, waving a...
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- 3 comments
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- 1305 reads
The dead body problem
I was woken early one morning by a loud banging on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs, to find Alun in an agitated state. “There’s...
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- 2 comments
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- 1088 reads
The Bee Problem
I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and made my way downstairs, to find Alun in an agitated mood. “It’s...
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- 5 comments
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- 1335 reads
The birth certificate problem
It may seem strange to conventional mainlander types, but it wasn’t until I was 33 that I even realised it was unusual not to know who my father was...
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- 1445 reads
The Welly problem
I was woken at 4.30 one morning by a hammering on my back door. ‘I wonder who it could be at this hour?’ I thought, as I dressed and rushed...
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- 3 comments
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- 1286 reads
The St Trinians problem
I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and made my way downstairs, to find Alun in an agitated state. “Its...
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- 9 comments
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- 3572 reads
The Comet Hunter Problem
I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs, to find Alun in an excited mood. “It’s the...
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- 3 comments
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- 1249 reads
The Ella Minnow Pea Problem
I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs, where I found Alun looking agitated state. "It...
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- 5 comments
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- 1630 reads
The dead body problem
You often don’t get the lie-in you hoped for in life. That switched off alarm means nothing when a neighbour calls round early with the news that the...
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- 695 reads
The TV Problem
The video recorder never made it to Happy Island, nor did the DVD. We don't even downstream. There's no need. Alun and I use the TV room in the Empty...
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- 8 comments
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- 1761 reads
The rock problem
I was woken early one morning by a dreadful racket taking place outside my bedroom window. It sounded like two people arguing very passionately and...
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- 5 comments
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- 1185 reads
The counting horse problem
I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs to find Alun in an agitated state. "What's 7 +...
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- 7 comments
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- 1764 reads
The Yellow Shirt Problem
I was proud of my new yellow shirt, it was by a long way the best shirt I had ever owned, and I took every opportunity to walk around Happy Island...
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- 384 reads
The Music Problem
I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs to find Alun in an excited mood. "It's my...
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- 8 comments
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- 2000 reads
The Toll Booth Problem
I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs where I found Alun holding ladies clothing. "I'...
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- 8 comments
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- 2148 reads
The Wisdom Problem
I woke early one morning to make Wise Alun his breakfast tea. I quickly dressed and rushed over to his house, where I began preparations for the tea...
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- 3 comments
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- 1050 reads
The King Problem
I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs, where I found Alun in an agitated state. "It's...
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- 3 comments
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- 876 reads
The Message in a Bottle Problem
I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs, where I found Alun holding a bottle. "It's a...
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- 3 comments
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- 1069 reads
The Pigeon problem
I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs, to find Alun holding a pigeon. "It's a pigeon...
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- 2 comments
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- 890 reads
The Name That Squid Problem
I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly rushed downstairs where I found Alun in an excited state. "I'm on Name That...
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- 422 reads
The llamajama problem
I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs to find Alun, wearing pyjamas with llamas on...
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- 3 comments
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- 899 reads
The Treasure Problem
I was woken early by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs, to find Alun in an excited mood. "I've found treasure, Jed...
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- 1 comment
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- 615 reads
The Open House Problem
I was woken early one morning by the sound of complete strangers talking outside my back door about my collection of broken flower pots. "What a...
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- 5 comments
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- 1099 reads
The aunt Margaret problem
I was woken early one morning by the ringing of my back door bell. "How strange," I thought, "The bell hasn't worked for decades." I quickly dressed...
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- 1365 reads
The Chair Problem
I was woken at 6.30 one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and hurried downstairs to find Alun in an agitated mood. “It’s the...
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- 11 comments
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- 2628 reads
The Lockdown Problem
I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly washed my hands, donned a mask and rushed downstairs where I found Alun...
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- 338 reads
The Bench Problem
I was woken early by a knock on my back door. I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs to find an elderly stranger at my door. "Do you have a bench?"...
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The COVID-19 Problem
I was woken early one morning by someone shouting at me through my open window. I quickly dressed and looked out of the window, to find Alun, with a...
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The Shed Problem
I was woken at 6.30 one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and hurried downstairs to find Alun in an excited mood. “I’ve built...
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- 601 reads
The Feast Problem (2)
The porridge crew, myself, Alun, Gaving Hestfuhrer and the mainland knnning took our seats. Igor, the boatman’s hunchback assistant had kindly agreed...
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- 493 reads
The Bloody Great Stone Heads Problem
I was woken at 6.30 one morning by a hammering on my back door. I quickly dressed and hurried downstairs to find Alun in an excited mood. “ We’ve got...
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- 140 reads