The counting horse problem

Cherry

By The Other Terrence Oblong

Fri, 17 Aug 2018
  • 1764 reads
7 comments
 
I was woken early one morning by a hammering on my back door.
 
I quickly dressed and rushed downstairs to find Alun in an agitated state.
 
"What's 7 + 9 Jed?" Alun said.
 
"I've no idea," I admitted, living on an island of just two inhabitants I've never bothered learning beyond 2 + 2 and my 2 times table. "Why do you need to know?"
 
"Someone's posted an entirely fictitious account of our recent problem with trousers on a writing site. I went to post a correction, but I have to pass a math test before I can add a comment?"
 
"Math singular?"
 
"I know Jed, a writing site that can't spell maths and makes you do complex equations before you can post a comment. Very peculiar."
 
"Well, if you really want to add your comment we'll have to ask someone for help with the math question."
 
"There's only one mathematician of that caliber on this archipelago, Jed, Dobin the counting horse."
 
"Of course," I said, "The counting horse." Dobin the counting horse has won countless awards for his counting abilities and is internationally renowned as a horse with a gift for mathematics. 
 
Counting Horse Island is only a short distance from Happy Island. However, when we arrived it was impossible to see Dobin, as he was surrounded by a sea of people.  I recognised one of them, Angus McFindus, one of the journalists on the Off-Mainlander Magazine.
 
"What's going on?" I asked.
 
"It's the world counting horse championship final," he said. "Dobin's up against Champion from the mainland."
 
"We'll have to wait and see the outcome, Jed, then ask Dobin the question at the end of the contest," Alun said. "It's the only way we'll get our answer to the math challenge."
 
We could now clearly make out Dobin and Champion in the main arena, with a question master in the centre setting the challenges. The scored showed 30 apiece, which even Alun and I could work out meant it was a close match. It was Dobin's turn to be asked a question.
 
"What is 29 plus 17?" the question master asked.  Without even pausing Dobin stamped out his answer, tapping his foot 46 times.
 
"Forty-six, that's the right answer," said Angus excitedly.  That's a tough question, surely Champion can't follow that."
 
It was Champion's turn. "What is 23 plus 9?" the question master said.
 
Champion paused for a second, then began to tap his foot. As he stamped his foot a 32nd time I saw a man on the other side of the crowd suddenly start jumping around excited. Champion stopped stamping.
 
"Thirty-two," said Angus. "He's right too. This really is the best final ever. What quality horsemathematicianship."
 
"Who's that man over there in the yellow shirt I saw jumping around just now?"
 
"Oh, that's Jumping Steve. He always leaps around when someone gets a maths question right."
 
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking Jed?" Alun asked.
 
"I was thinking of asking him where he got his shirt," I said. "I've always wanted a yellow shirt. Is that what you were thinking?"
 
"No Jed," Alun said. "I was thinking that maybe Champion isn't really counting at all, he might be seeing Steve leaping around when he reaches the right answer and stopping at that point."
 
"Good lord, what an extraordinary idea. What shall we do?"
 
"Let's ask him over here on some pretext and see how Champion copes without him."
 
"Oh, oh, oh," I said excitedly, "Can I supply the pretext? I could ask him about the shirt."
 
"Good idea, Jed," Alun said. "You do that."
 
By the time I'd brought Steve back with me Dobin had correctly answered his next question, so it was Champion's turn again. "What is 11 plus 18?" the question master asked.
 
"We'll see how well he does this time," Alun whispered to me.
 
As Champion stamped his foot a 29th time Steve started dancing and celebrating, but as he was now behind Champion the horse could no longer see him. However, this made no difference, Champion stopped at 29. He had got another question right.
 
At this point the questions got tougher.
 
"What is 27 plus 26?" the question master asked. Dobin began tapping his foot.
 
At 53 Steve started celebrating and Dobin stopped counting, he had got the answer right. However, someone in Champion's camp had spotted Steve dancing as Dobin reached 53, and of course, he was now in Dobin's eye-line. 
 
"Dobin's cheating," Champion's trainer said, "That man started dancing when Dobin's count reached 53." Video footage was called for and it showed that Steve did indeed start jumping before Dobin stopped.
 
"Dobin is disqualified for cheating," the question master said, "I declare that Champion is the champion."
 
"But Steve wasn't even on this side of the arena until we called him over," I protested.
 
"So this is all your fault," said Dobin's trainer. "Throw them off the island, those bloody pests from Happy Island are always causing problems. It's like Miss Raccoon World all over again. Roxelle should have won that title paws down without you two."
 
Alun and myself were roughly grabbed by security staff who literally carried us off to our boat, not even pausing to get their 'roughly' and 'grabbed' in the correct order. 
 
"Now we'll never know the answer to 7 plus 9," I said.  "This whole adventure has been a complete waste of time."
 
"Never mind Jed," Alun said. "Nobody's going to read a writing site that sets maths test and can't even spell maths."
Certificate 15
Story
Tales from Happy Island
Miscellaneous

Comments

Submitted by celticman on

I can see your problem. But it really was a ridicuously hard arithmetic question. For a writing site (with a hood on, so that it cannot be identified) I'm still waiting for the denouement, whiat is 7+9? I'm sure there's thousands of folk out thre dying for you to finish the story proprerly so we can find out. 

 

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

... and once they manage to solve the math problem (that site sounds appalling - I wouldn't use it, that's for sure), could you please tell us all about Miss Racoon World?

 

Submitted by airyfairy on

What trousers will Jed wear with his yellow shirt?

Submitted by The Other Terre... on

Towersey Festival is coming up and I always pack yellow T-shirts for festivals, as nobody else seems to wear yellow T-shirts, so my friend can always find me in a crowd. I've never understood why yellow is so unpopular

 

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

if it's a sunny day and you wear yellow, you will be covered in small black flies within seconds. Flies love yellow!

 

Submitted by The Other Terre... on

1 plus 0 that's more like it. 

Flies loved Mrs Oblong's orange dress, it was practically black with them the one time she wore it outside in the daytime, I've never had a problem with my yellow Shonen Knife, Alphabet Backwards or Ukrainians T shirts, but maybe the flies would cite musical differences. 

 

Submitted by The Other Terre... on

The Yellow Shirt Problem

I was proud of my new yellow shirt, it was by a long way the best shirt I had ever owned, and I took every opportunity to walk around Happy Island showing it off, albeit there was nobody to show it off to as Alun was busy with his new Happy Island spin-off series The Adventures of Alun.  I was therefore most surprised to be interrupted by a voice I didn’t recognise.

“Hello, is that Geoff?” 

I turned round, to find a man I didn’t recognise, clearly a mainlander, staring at me.

“No,” I said. “I’m Jed.” 

“Sorry, it’s the yellow shirt, I assumed you were Geoff.”

“No, I’m definitely Jed, I have been all my life, bar one weekend when I was Mildred,” (see the Mildred Problem).

“It’s just that you don’t see many yellow shirts, so when I saw yours I sort of assumed...”

“No, I’m pretty certain I’m Jed.”

“Geoff was going to wear the yellow shirt deliberately, you see, so I could spot him in a crowd.”

“Crowds,” I said, surprised, “We don’t get crowds on Happy Island, two’s a crowd here, you’re the first visitor we’ve had in years.”

“Happy Island!” the man said. “No wonder you’re not Geoff, I got off at the wrong island.”

He started walking away, then changed his mind and retraced his steps. “Your yellow shirt is really good,” he said, “I’ve never seen one like it, where did you get it?”

I told him.

“Thanks. I must get one. They look so cool. And they’re really good for spotting people in crowds.”

“Yes, I can see that they’re only a problem on islands like this where there are no crowds.”

“It’s funny,” the man said. “When I met you I thought you were Geoff. But you’re not. Are you?”

“No,” I said, I’m Jed, and the entire conversation repeated itself.