Review Gallery

Dear CPA you seem to have our best interests at heart but I cannot help feeling that there is a whiff of the anarchist about you. Do you fancy yourself as some kind of web terrorist, dropping crit-bombs into others' work? How about one of YOUR poems for others to de-stone? stevo by tyhe way, if you are into cherries check out Cerise Morello's poem from last week. That was all about picking cherries and was rather good. chow

Dear CPA, thankyou for not saying anything aweful. Yes, did mean for metaphor of body being like a place - treasure island; it's meant to be about rediscovering somewhere you can only find again in your dreams, The title ( X marks the spot): could be "ex", too The rhythm was inspired by reading Ivoryfishbone's A Tree (an example of a brilliant poem. This one is not)

Whey hey Fey, We didn't get the x thing initially as we thougt the writer/voice in the poem was still travelling over the body as landscape and the object of the intimate hike was merely sleeping. We could say something bad if you wish, but we'll firstly take a branch off your considered bough and approach Ivoryfishbone and ask permission for 'A Tree!', to be cherry un-picked here in the Review Gallery. We are all in search of true leaders after all and EDITOR 73 says so little to us. Thanks again fey for being the brave and considerate leader in this quest for the ultimate in word and image. CPA

When I first dipped into this thread, I formed a hasty view that CPA was perhaps 'up to no good' - but reading it now, I don't think the people who have had a go have been entirely fair. This is not just carping from the sidelines, CPA is doing something of worth here. The technique of deconstructing poems is a bit too cold and clinical for me, but I don't think CPA has done so in a destructive way. Far from it, the comments made on Ivory's poem have, from my reading, made Ivory look at it in another way. If you don't like the concept, there are plenty of other threads. Like Liana, I think that it is better if the writer is aware that the work is being deconstructed. I for one, vote for CPA to continue. I'm finding it odd and slightly unsettling, but once in a while, it's good to be unsettled.

Dear CPA, the lugubrious voice without a face you seem to have not erected yourself as a kingpin of the deconstruction. How about some fables of the reconstruction? Write man write! by the way, feel free to poke your dirty stick into my blackberry pie as it were, you may monkey with my poems if you wish, just 'tread softly ... etc.etc. adolescent etc...' stevostik

well CPA ... nobody seems to want to discuss the poem and i am not really surprised ... but i found your comments interesting ... the point about the punctuation ... i do not think it is a conscious decision NOT to punctuate/use capitals etc. it is not i think overly influenced by e.e. ... more possibly to do with communication via the net which for me does not use capitals and punctuation ... still i have been wondering lately about it ... and wondering if the lack of punctuation etc. can interfere with the meaning of the poem for the reader ... in view of this i offer a punctuated/capitalised version ... Tree "I saw the tree, the limb. Knew where this drum was coming from," he says, "wild mango." And she is rooted, mute. Connected with the earth. Feels beat of heat from the core, coming in bass, in tone; lifts her limbs to touch the trembling air. Her outer case, her bark, roughened and holding years of time told there; compacted, circled. Cross sectioned he could read her like a book. "Some trees die from the inside. They take less work," he says, "already hollow." And he knew the tree, the limb, the very one. In that Ghanaian heat, walked with the craftsman matched his easy gait, followed the line of arm the pointing; mirrored with his shading palm the craftsman's stance. In wide blue heat of day wild mango, waiting, halfway there. And she felt too the earth give its small shudder, that resonant response to his footfall. Not guessing what transformation might take charge of her. I had not considered the contrast between his movement and her stillness ...

FAB IFB, Strange effect it now has, changes the feel and look and intention so much. What an exerise in transformation. Did the change hurt, was it a new work? Something for us in our 'Reader Response' that was so crucial to the narrative tone in the original version was the observation "already hollow" which in this version becomes defined, limited even by the speech marks therefore not acting as ambigous comment on "he". Initial too "his" speech completely frames the opening of the poem which colours it much more clearly. About the momentum of discourse, these things take time to bubble up. We at CPA wanted to discuss it, so too Fey, so that's at least 2. Just keep right on discussing, and maybe you could select a piece for inclusion here next. When the clamour subsides that is. CPA

Hum. I refute I wanted to "discuss" Ivory's A Tree, just wanted to point out (as incapable of detailing what makes a brilliant poem) an example of one which I consider to be brilliant. Am NO GOOD at taking poems to bits as cannot put them back together so they never work for me again. Ivory, I thought a Tree perfect how you had it first

Fey, Apologies from CPA. You did in fact write how the "rhythm" in your own piece was "inspired by reading" this poem. I am not saying what is the better poem, just saying what we like and what moves us to write, that's all. I'll leave the true task of criticism to Editor 73, that's not the motivation here. I just think it's a sound idea to discuss work in a more informal fashion over here at the 'Review' rather than always coldly voting at the 'ABC List'. CPA did also approach Ivory for permission as already "threaded". I wonder what we will discuss next? CPA

Perhaps you're enduring belief that you have something of value to say and that nobody appears to care for your conceited opinions anyway. Do you actually write anything other than criticism of others work? I doubt it, you probably don't take your head out of your own arse long enough to write your name.

hear hear!

i cannot understand why these negative insulting postings are appearing all over the forums ... what is the point? *sighs*

Hrmmmm Ivy i'm reminded of the phrase *the more things change...etc etc* You are correct :o)) though I am fairly well weaned from the forums at the moment, I enjoyed the opportunity of reading that poem again....

Max, I'd rather not discuss my "eduring belief", thanks. I only merely wanted to be constructive and value some of the work here at ABC in different ways. Maybe this is too considerate a proposal, and I ought to take your advice and give it up, visit another writing site. Are you one of the main site ambassdors at ABCTales? I'd like to think you were as some of my most recent work has been influenced by voices here at the 'Forum'. Consider for a minute young and new readers experiencing writing here for the first time, what impression does it give to devalue individual views or opinions. Are we saying here at ABC that we don't value 'difference', or all strands of opinion, "conceited" or otherwise. We devalue the spirit of writing if we are. What of the other contributors to this Threaded View, "does nobody appear to care?". Why bother engaging in debate at all if this is the case. Why don't we just burn the books instead, this may solve the problem of dissident voices. Didn't it work in Germany, Russia and China? So why not do it here at ABC? I'm off to www.stories.com, they seem more tolerant there. I'll try and write my name properly too like 'Conner Bell'.

Um...didnt work too well here in Prague either.....only a short term solution, book burning, I'm afraid. Usually makes the authors far more well known than they otherwise would have been though. I quite like the thought of dissident voices actually... *pondering* You shouldnt leave. No-one should, but there have been historically the odd tosspot or two around, who just delight mainly in winding others up. That aint nice.... we should all be more tolerant, maybe. I've flounced away from ABC a couple of times, mortally wounded, but I'm always back...If I really get pissed off with someone I usually mail them personally anyway. Not everyone delights in public flaming (gawd, almost wrote pubic there for one ghastly moment) though some seem to positively thrive on it. Ho hum, more contemplation..... 0:o)

Liana, Thanks for your words of support. Here's to the age of tolerance.

Shouldnt you be adding the poets name anyway? For © purposes or somwthing, l dont know.... Not too sure that the writers would want their stuff disseminating in public though. I think thats what the option to have your stuff C & C'ed is for. Maybe some of the cherried would say if they didnt mind, rather than you just taking the stuff - or am I being too paranoid........?

I put this one on another site, where they do take stuff to bits. And they did with this one, so don't mind.(didn't take any of their advice, have to admit :-) Spect it's just here because it was the latest one in last ten entered at the time. Would have been better to have chosen something less shallow, though. I'd much rather have a thread where brilliant poems by Eddie or Ivory or Liana or RichardW or Dogstar or thegirlwhowantedtobegod etc are discussed by their authors, Cherrypickeranonymous: The reason ABC can't give the sort of critting facility of other sites is lack of funds.

I used to be a trffick carp!.....car 54 where are you?

I used to be a traffic carp!.....car 54 where are you?

Liana, Maybe you are right about asking permission then undergoing some hard earned criticism. What does C & C'd mind by the way? CPA

It means comments and criticism, but its generally taken to mean deconstruction etc... Maybe when you choose one to do,you could contact the writer, if thats an option on their "home page" as it were, just to ask if they'd mind. I have the feeling that most might be flattered anyway? I'm just wary of upsetting anyone thats not up for criticism etc...