032 Magic Of Naeem by Windrose

5 posts / 0 new

Topic locked

Last post

Tue, 2006-01-17 23:15

maisie

032 Magic Of Naeem by Windrose

the link before i forget....

http://www.abctales.com/story/windrose/032-magic-of-naeem

I really felt that this peice involved a labour of love.. it has the cadence of actual known events (is that true?) and although i feel i'm being informed rather than allowed to be drawn into the story as it unfolds, i feel you have a lot of potential in your writing.

I wondered perhaps if english is a second language for you, and as in poetry the translation doesnt work so smoothly... perhaps i'm really offside here, but thats how it hit me...

The start is particulllary confusing..

"Naeem returned from his second mission from Addu Atoll after two months. Second time he went to Addu to assist an investigation team"

do you mean that on his second mission he went to Addu?
cos im not sure... I think you need to be clearer..

then here "rude couple " ... it seems as if thats your opinion, outside of the story entering in... Perhaps if you came in with a clear perspective, from one of your characters it would help to put the whole thing in focus

i hope you are not upset with my comments, i just try to be as honest as possible. I wont go thro line by line, it would drive any one to distraction..

Sat, 2006-01-21 08:10

windrose

Your point about viewing from the point of one of the characters...is a very good suggestion. I will learn...thanks for your comments. English is a second language here.

Sat, 2006-01-21 19:02

Windrose is very poetic and prolific, and isn't getting the discussion or attention he deserves. I've been reading his stuff consistently, and I'm glad to see someone else take the time to bring this out. There is a ton of excellent work here. Pick any story. What I think is especially interesting about these works: Maldives -- to me that is at the very end of the universe. Go there, and this is what you find.

Sat, 2006-01-21 19:11

Juliet OC

i agree with cc, i have started reading from the beginning, having just completed chapter 2. Windrose is keen for readers and critics, his work is a unique perpsective on a culture very different from my own, and beautifully expressed. Juliet

Juliet

Sat, 2006-01-21 20:24

neilmc

I've read most of the Windrose stories, and they're certainly different - black magic, violence and gratuitous sex, all in an Islamic country about which I don't think I've ever read anything except in holiday brochures. I feel the whole series might make a fascinating film - and outrage the Maldivian government - but I find it a problem considering them for "cherry-picking" as examples of outstanding writing; the action seems to jump from character to character and there's a lot of very odd expressions which are more reminiscent of the sort of English found in Indian newspapers; if you can take that on board they're an entertaining saga. And, as I wouldn't dream of writing a novel in, say, French or German, very commendable as writing in a second language.

Topic locked