Like the fact that we never really get an idea of what 'it' is.
I think we could do with slightly less repetitions of 'You said' - or maybe more talk in between. It's a nice trick - making the voice sound catty and conversational - but I think it's overegged.
Thank you both for your comments I appreciate you taking time to write them. I understand what you mean Jack and it may be true that it's overegged, I would be interested to see what others think.
Take care,
Stewart
Hi Stewart,
I found that a creepy read. I agree with Mike pyro, it is an emotional poem.
I also thought the 'You said' slightly too much. Not sure what you could do without ruining the entire poem. Could make a short story out of it?
Anyway, good poem and welcome to the site!
Lisa
Give me the beat boys and free my soul! I wanna getta lost in ya rock n' roll and drift away. Drift away...