Tim vs The Factoids

Made me do some public-school style guffawing. I like the beginning more than I do the actual factoids though. The beginning made me beam. A trivial pursuit, perhaps, But I know where the cheese is; Keep getting nailed and coming back Just like my name was Jesus. Rap-battle-tastic. The factoids provide a fantastic comic and creative opportunity but I think they could be funnier, or more interesting or something.... The ones that didn't inspire me or felt too knowing: Carly Simon was born with sixteen noses. Sidney Poitier cannot spell the word ‘word’. David Copperfield gave birth to his own car. Angus Deaton discovered the sun (is not different enough from Perry Como invented Sunday) John Milton refused to believe in the number ‘1’. Sting once blew up Belgium during a quarrel. Some of them are stunning: John Aspinall can hear a watch tick inside the belly of a pig. David Lloyd George believed yellow was immoral. Kofi Annan passes resolutions astride a giant bird. Jane Austen’s moustache hid a kickboxing scar. In Syria, ‘Bonnie Langford’ is a dish containing bean curd. I reckon you could make every single line a killer. Rather than every other line. Nice. Joe

I agree with Joe on this'un, although I thought on the initial reading that there were simply too many factoids, crowding each other out. I'm not sure how much you can milk the 'celebrity does/did a weird thing' gag. The Bonnie Langford one was refreshing because it broke away from this mould. Not sure about the opening metaphor either. I see where you're coming from, but batteries are extremely useful. Nice to see a mention of Peter Shilton.

Thanks peeps. I certainly enjoyed writing it. Take your point about it maybe being a little overplayed, but it's a performance piece rather than a page piece. It seemed to go down really well in its current form. (although, if I actually bothered to learn it I think it'd be even better) Some of the factoids were partially forced by the constraints of terza rima. I take your point, Spack, but I'm not convinced that another reader wouldn't find a different section of the factoids amusing and dislike the ones you've picked as good. In that sense, it's quite a weakly constructed performance poem, as it doesn't build to anything - it's just an 'endless factoid zombie horde'.