Feedback - A Submarine Circus

H, I've had a read through the first five or so instalments of 'A Submarine Circus' and a have a few questions / suggestions / ideas, based on what I think you're trying to do. 1. If you're inside of someone's head, they'd better be interesting I'm really quite unsure about the interior dialogue format of the story. A narrator tells us some stuff. Then they tell us some more stuff. Interior narration can work, but it has to be vivid, interesting, and above all give us something that we couldn't have seen other wise. If you restructure all the sentences in the first part of 'A Submarine Circus' and put them in the form of 'he saw', 'he looked', 'he heard', you'll find that nothing really has changed. As a reader, I don't want to hear a characters narration of something, rather than seeing for myself what they see, unless they have some really, really interesting things to say. 2. Other characters Due to the interior narrative of the story, there is no space for interaction with anyone. Whether the characters are figments of a deranged mind or surrealist ghosts, it'd be nice to see interaction rather than just hear about it. 3. What do you want from me? Or rather what does your main character want? Why are they doing stuff? What do they want to happen? You might not write this explicitly into the story, but you should know. What is driving the story on? Are they lonely? Dying? Do they have indigestion? What are they going to do about it? 4. Surrealism in general Surrealism is great. It can be funny, scary and can upend the world. It's a radical strategy. If you decide that anything that can be imagined can happen in your fictional world, why not really push the boat out? These are just thoughts, hope you find them helpful. Cheers, Mark