Can I ask you all for some thoughts?

mark I accidentally posted a comment at the end of the story.

I enjoyed this very much and second ferg's comments about fat raindrops and tiny birds but it is a minor niggle. I like your 200 worders because they say so much. Being economical seems to bring out the best in you. Warmly conscious, she swung her arm between the sheets as if parting the sides of a cool envelope. As Ferg says, her fear is that she is not enough for him and the envelope metaphor suggests to me she thinks intimacy should somehow seal them in together, she should understand him because they sleep together. the realisation at the end is that she doesn't. The only objective insight we get about Robert (without the lense of her insecurities) are that rather extraordinary list of search terms. I lingered over each one. Incredibly sad, poignant but I get the feeling (again as the Ferg said) that there is so much more to his reality. This made me think of a friend of mine, who really is like a lost boy without his mother. He lived with her until she died (he was in his fifties at the time) - he's a self confessed mother's boy but the dynamic of their relationship is fascinating. He was sharing with me only last week that his home doesn't feel like home without her. Anyway, I think you will be joined by many others in 'really liking it'. What's the latest on getting abc stuff into the Big Issue which I think was one of the original motivations behind these little things? jude

Mark just some thoughts, hope they help. A great piece of prose. Opening her eyes in darkness, Kira heard fat raindrops spattering the window like tiny birds. I agree fat raindrops not hugely original, maybe heavy raindrops hitting the window like tiny birds? Tic tac, tick tic-tac. Warmly conscious, she swung her arm between the sheets as if parting the sides of a cool envelope. Robert’s half of the bed was empty. not sure about warmly concious, but not sure why, I think it is the word 'warmly', but the rest of this para is great Tic, tic, tic-tac, tick. Not raindrops. In the morning sunlight, do you need light? over marmalade and kettle steam, Robert was distant, evasive. distant and evasive very similiar, i would change evasive or leave it out. “Trouble sleeping?” she asked, a muffin of a woman, wrapped warm in a dressing gown. do you need 'warm', muffin paints that picture. Squinting into the backyard, he gulped down coffee. “Just got up for a bit, checked my emails.” The next night the same. Tic-tic, tac-tic. And the next; for weeks. Kira lay awake each night, head filled with lurid images of young thin women twisted into torturous poses, aware of being passed over, waiting for him to come back to bed. this para is the weakest imo. I think it needs rewording 'aware of being' does not work for me, maybe get that idea nearer the beginning of para After waving Robert to a new day, she turned on the computer, determined to end it, confront him. On the screen, his search history: ‘Can I love Mum back to life?’ ‘Reversing death.’ ‘Dying of sadness.’ ‘Dreaming back alive.’ ‘Help Mum, I’m lost.’ Guilty, Kira suddenly saw how small and sad Robert was, waving solemnly at her from the street each morning. do you need to say 'guilty'? Juliet

if he doesn't, shock horror...it'll only be 199 words!