eternally yours by kitty kat
Tue, 2007-03-20 19:18
#1
eternally yours by kitty kat
http://www.abctales.com/story/kittykat/eternally-yours-0
I enjoyed this story and the ending was a neat twist. their relationhsip and her indecision worked well. However I felt it was a little over detailed in the middle (meeting friends for dinner etc) and would have liked more of their dialogue, letting it reveal her indecision rather than relying on inner monologue.
I would cut a lot from the middle and focus more on their interactions and maybe draw the end out a little more, the letter appeared very abruptly.
Juliet
Margharita
I really liked the way the story moved along, and the way new elements were added, increasing the reader's curiosity. I think it was fairly obvious what the 'plan' was, but not the part each would play in it, or how the indecisions would be resolved.
I do agree that the middle bit was overwritten, with too many unnecessary distractions.
I'm afraid I was a little disappointed by the 'twist'. I felt that the story deserved a more original ending, and I do agree that it was a bit abrupt. Perhaps, on getting back, she would discover that he had known he had been misdiagnosed? Or she had?? I felt that these well drawn and believable characters deserved a little more.
Margharita