Forum Comments

Thankfully, there are people like yourself who have passed through fear to write openly about institutional inequality and wholesale deception. Unfortunately, as is the case in Britain, when one person like Verone 'exploits' the system, as the Senate will describe his actions, legal changes and, in the interim, flagrant abuse of the present system will deflate the strength of the very few others who may take his lacklustre lead. I can't imagine that prisoners receive the same level of medical care as those who pay the insurance insects every day of their working lives, and I certainly wouldn't like to be in Verone's shoes when he receives his 'care'. My personal view is that nothing will change until the aspirations of the young and middle-class are sufficiently trounced and ignored. That time is not too far off. Compare the American problem of inequality to the plight of black South Africans in their own country. Ruled by white supremists for so long, it was only a matter of time before their bubble burst. Admittedly, the black South Africans needed (and had) role models who challenged the system and were martyred or imprisoned (mostly ANC members who were portrayed as terrorists and not 'clever' legal loophole-seekers such as the likes of Verone), but the sheer size of their country lessened the power of the true terrorists (the government) while the growing population of blacks to whites (poor to rich) widened to such an extent that the whites were forced to back off. The film 'Zulu' comes to mind, and that was all about desperation too. Nowadays, you see a black face in government but it is still the whites who oversee and authorise the mechanics of the system in South Africa and now, not coincidentally, America. That said, the similarities fall away when we realise that it is now a much fairer society which incorporates the use of ethics with all its people, black and white. If you look at America, its allegiance is not to its people as it was as recently as the seventies ago, which is the complete opposite of what's happened in South Africa, but, the similarities return when we understand that it will only be the desperation of its people as a whole that will trigger any such changes that South Africa has undergone. Most Americans have unfortunaely been brainwashed into believing that no such change will ever come about. This is a tactic that will only work for so long. The other problem is that the American Dream has come and gone (into the pockets of the few) and is now a buttoned-up exercise in communistic capitalism. If a monkey is tied to a post for twenty years and fed scraps by his owners who use him as a tourist attraction and beat him for kicks, that monkey will become so dejected that he will not even bother to check if he is still tied or not, but the day will come when he realises that his owners have abandonned him and that there are no tourists and that he was always capable of undoing the knot to walk away from the post. (That's just given me a story!) Brainwashing does that. It makes us believe that there is no other solution to a problem. Fear of going against the brainwashing allows us to remain confused and compliant. Shame further distances us from seeking alternatives as the scepticism of others ridicules empathy with fellow sufferers who think they may be slightly better off than most, which again is a lie. We're all sat in a dirty, scum-riddled bath together, pretending that we're clean and living in the land of the free, when we're really no different to the pre AA south Africa! The real terrorists in the world are the anti-terrorist organisations acting on behalf of the ogres who call themselves the government. What a laugh they must be having, watching us pay extortinate bills, worry over food and our children's education, frisking and stripping us down when we have the cheek to go on holiday, telling us off when we want to do something good. Yes, we're the fools in this alright. DESPERATION IS A GIFT.... All the best Richard

Good read, and I can't see that the western economies can sustain their thirst to feed its people with tatt for much longer, which will have a devastating effect in Asia, but we have to think of the long term costs of manufacturing rubbish for people who are better off without it. All the best Richard

Steady on Spartacad, old bean, I think FTSE means that the database is taking a hammering from the size of the thread due to its overwhelming popularity. To his credit, he makes the suggestion of continuing the debate by opening up another forum topic so that it doesn't need to overload the system. That said, I can't help feeling for him. It can't be easy running a site's database, playing God, believing only in his own brand of truth AND searching for God, which I believe he is doing in earnest, albeit in a roundabout way. Whether we like it or not, we all know that there's something which makes the sun come up in the morning and go down at night. Denial of a higher power (or God) is like denying that we need to eat. It's just plain crazy. I don't know anything about the Chinese govt sponsoring the website and even if they did, at least it exists, which is more than can be said for our own govt's social responsibility. Surely religion is past its sell-by, though. It's a bit like football, ie. money rules. The primary purpose of a religion, football club, government or business was to provide a service to their believers, supporters, people or customers, but these days, those purposes exist primarily for themselves and whatever scraps are left over are thrown to the masses. We need a complete overhaul of private and public responsibility so that laws are put in place not only to defend the system against criminals and shysters, but to serve the other 99.9% of the population. Now I best start that new forum topic

good fayre

These are really good, Christine. You've got the lad's thought patterns down to a tee and the Mum's hilarious (I know he's supposed to be the funny one but my dark sense of humour is unfathomable). All the dialogue is spot-on and the scenarios presented work well with the pace.

Some girls have all the luck and some get to live. A great pair of characters convincingly portrayed, and those shoes..a month's salary? The price of guilt just got very high. I liked the ending. It would have been wrong to end it in any other way, and a good reason for Monica to get the hell out of there once she got (inevitably) bored of being back.

It's good to dream! This took me back some years

This is brilliantly written and shows your wide-ranging skills as a writer. There just isn't enough of this sort of writing around for me. You sounded just like the kid writing it, so much innate identification of someone that age. I assumed it was a girl, till the end, of course, but that doesn't matter really, although in my mind's eye, it was a girl. I love it. Have you read 'the curious incident of the dog in the night-time'? I think it's called that. You'd like it.

Anyone who says it's dangerous is going to get it from me.

If they weren't charged, every creep on the planet would use it as an excuse.

There are quite a few groning typos in this but the general storyline and voice are good. It's true that God is great. Only people make problems, and this little cherub isn't alone, I'm sure.

A good read full of humour and gratitude. Thanks

Really good. Two paragraphs separated by our own concept of time; youth will always be better than adulthood.

This is a good start, but I think it could do with a further edit. It's riposte (not repost). Some of the sentences need to be reworked because they just don't flow. Eg, 'You heard what those rabbis said that brought him to us'. I know you're a much better writer than that. I did like the way Joseph finds himself pitted against God for the affections of his son, an adolescent Jesus. This is a very believable and human stance for a father to take, and reverberates well in a modern way, bringing the story closer to the reader's imagination. The dialogue between Joseph and Mari (Mary could be better?) was endearing and captured the parental quandary they faced. Read through this a few times and try to recognise the tone and bass of the narrator's voice. That voice, which is you, is incredibly important to find. Once found, you'll be able to rebuild this. That's just my view. Constructive criticism is there for those who wish to take it. A friend of mine read a piece of mine recently and gave me some seriously harsh lessons. It doesn't half help to listen to the reader, though, and I know now that it's all about hard work if I'm ever to make it as a writer. All the best Richard

hi Kheldar. No, I haven't had probs with posting something but halfway thru writing a comment it sometimes gets wiped and says 'access denied'. Probably a glitch but very annoying. I hope you have sorted your prob out. Could be a one, or three, off. All the best Richard

Read this yesterday but no time to comment. I loved this. It brought up a lot of emotion for me because of my own family situation. All I can really say is that as a father to two girls, I hope I get to do all the things you've done for your daughters at this quirky age. All the best Richard

Well I'll be. That was a fine read and such a surprise to find it. I was staying in Roehampton when a cat was put into a burning bin on the estate, so this struck a chord with me. It was even on Thames news headlines and people were interviewed. I wrote a story called 'A comedy Persona for Steve Coogan' and another called 'Tardy Reynolds', both based on my experiences in Roehampton, which resembles an open prison but is full of weird and wonderful characters, one who put me up on his sofa for a while when I became homeless. I was almost strangled to death at a pub, but survived to tell these tales. I enjoyed this story very much and hope you have time to read the two I mentioned. All the best Richard

seems strange that this is the first comment on this. I really enjoyed it.

Thanks for including me in the magazine, John. I'm bowled over and will be buying a copy of both formats for posterity. All the best, Richard

This reminded me of my druggy days, and especially of a girlfriend who saw me do some stupid stuff to myself. I often wonder how I'm still around. 'You ran out of secrets and mine weren't good enough'... it's a good thing because secrets keep us sick. Intriguing as per, and a pleasure. All the best Richard

A good brattish voice that explains well the pitfalls of home schooling for a wild youngster. Enjoyed the style of writing

This reads and flows much better than the last edit. I enjoyed the narrator's paranoia about the camera-polis watching Johnboy rolling the joint in the car, and hoped it would be incorporated in this one, but maybe you could slip it in on the way back, when he's stoned proper with the package at his groin. Laughing moments; shouting at Osborne and plate of mince. Laughing even now just thinking about you screaming at the twat in front of the telly. Not so good; the big issue crack. Too cheap/throwaway a gag for you. I'm into the lingo now and it's easy to follow. Doesn't distract from the story at all. I think you've cracked the lingo for sure and it gives it that regional flavour I think you were looking for. Keep 'em coming.

Does that mean that when they lie to us that we've only got eight days of food and three days of petrol left and that we'll have to fend for ourselves because we'll all probably kill each other anyway, that it'll be too late because we all just got stoned and pissed while they amassed their incredible fortunes to fuck us off with? I hop not. Nicely penned, sir.

The best thing to do is bite the bullet. When you're reasonably happy with a piece, put it on the site and wait for feedback. They're a good lot and if you really love writing, it's best to get the cobwebs wiped asap. I've only had two weird posts from stuff I've put on but you just let it wash after a while. Writers are ultra sensitive, but the positives outweigh the negs 1000/1. Now sit down and write about something close to your heart! Then read it through and see what needs adding/subtracting. Sit on it for a day or so, then re-edit, if necessary. When you're happy with it, put it on and have done with it. I'll keep an eye out for you.

Great piece. I wish you'd put forgiveness instead of father, though. Parents are so messed up. I did get a bit confused as to who the narrator was, the Mum or the offspring, but maybe I need to read it again.

Frankle's back. Where did you go? This is a great little conversation and reminded me of a demented version of LOTSW. (See if you can decipher that, sure you can) I've really enjoyed your past work so very glad to see you back on Abc. All the best Richard

Sounds like a daily instruction for guaranteed superstardom from a PR supremo to a bright, impressionable starlet. 'Hunger equals desire, right, honey?'

I thought you might have eaten the flower, or kissed it, but yes, they are usually very nice designs indeed as should be enjoyed for their natural beauty. Glad you've seen through the manmade lie of desire. Saves alot of time and money, hair and energy. I must be getting on a bit because I can't stand all these tits and arses and groins and chests and fake smiles all over billboards in London. That's when you know the admen have no more ideas and are on their last legs. Well in.

Letting people know you've added a new story is not a forum topic. As you can see, 'forum topics' are clogged up with shameless ads for people's writing, this negates the opportunity to access real forum topics. Apart from actually devaluing your own name, I feel that posting a story in such a way is nothing but flagrant misuse of the site. I try not to vent my spleen regarding this behaviour but I'm in a bad mood and so you got the comment. There's no harm intended; this is the view of the vast majority of readers who like to choose what they read. All the best Richard

This is brilliant and comically written to boot. I'm a big fan of those who mock the macabre. The old grisette sounds like a social worker from the future. She seemed like a ghost to me the way she wandered through the building. And the dead God that she praised, that was sheer genius to picture. Glad that you posted this.

Don't go, Lem, and don't let anyone tell you you're a hopeless case, especially a psychologist. Your writing alone proves that you have so much to give to the world. I know it sounds weird but get a piece of paper and a pen and write a gratitude list. It helps, and we forget what we have so easily. If you're on the computer a lot or lolling indoors, get your shoes on and take some air away from traffic. There are many fellowships out there where people can talk about their problems wth those that suffer similarly. Identification I find far better than therapy, and it's usually free, plus you don't have to wait for them to turn up! When I was 19, I used drink, drugs, travel and girls to take away the pain of living and hating myself inside, but in a big way I'm very grateful for all those things, just as I'm grateful to be clean and sober now, nearly thrity years on (I'm a slow learner). I'm not suggesting you use drink and drugs to alleviate the pain. Far from it, but there are people out there who are just as desperate to help as you are to find help. I know this will sounds woosey, but try praying (on knees, if poss) to whichever Higher Power you may believe is out there for you. We've all got one and the strangest, most brilliant things happen if we ask in earnest for help. I'll be thinking about you. All the best Richard

Cooey. you're not at the wailing wall, are you? Nice piece of lusty angst

Very powerful. We're only given as much as we can handle in life. You were given so much to deal with but you've handled it really well. I'll read 4 tomorrow. Hope you get a cherry for this one. If it doesn't get one, don't let it affect your writing. I think this is very well written, especially 'without ever laying a finger on me, she had hurt me more than I could ever put into words'. Excellent sentence.

Whose is the piece, Sooz. Is it yours or someone else's? I'll give it a nose if I can find it.

Yes, he's history, but the people who used him to do their bidding still govern and they will quickly replace him once the hacking case has blown over. Murdoch was just a pawn to the demands of a society that's corrupt from top to bottom.

Rantiliciously well said. Forgiveness will come with ease when the anger that dwells inside has been fed and freed.