Dark Days Of The Soul

Sounds obvious but what about volunteering? I know in my local paper there are 2 pages of jobs and 3 pages of volunteering, anything from mentoring young people, helping old people, looking after animals, even a couple of hours in a local charity shop can give you reason to get up in the morning. If you feel up to something more demanding the CAB are always looking for new recruits, the training is top notch and you get proper qualifications, also working with them does not affect any benefits you may get and lots of volunteers go on to full employment. Local colleges are usually on the look out for people to help students in the classroom if that is more up your street, Does that all sound a bit daunting? it's not! the people are always really friendly and many are in similar situations, also you can usually choose how many hours you would like to commit. Hope your days get lighter.

I'm sorry to hear about your dark moods Walrus. I suffer from the same mainly due to the season. I also feel that I should be spending my time on more useful things than the computer where I'm not always up to reading all I would like to. I try to get out every day for a short walk but that is about as much as I am capable of. Don't beat yourself up over it but enjoy what you do do instead. I'm sorry you can't get a job when you really want and need one. Money troubles aren't good especially when you have kids. I wish it would change for you and that life turned brighter. I haven't been able to open a book for months but am now able to again, thank goodness. I wish you well. ;)Pia

I work voluntarily at a charity shop. It gets me out of the house, shows prospective employers that I'm reliable and willing, and provides me with an endless source of writing inspiration (you get all kinds in a charity shop!) Plus, I've found a really good and supportive friend. My own situation is a bit weird, for reasons I won't go into, but I can identify with a lot of what you say. I hope things look brighter for you soon.

I had a beautiful person in my life who was diagnosed with PTSD. I know how it was for him. No money, no job, no self esteem, feelings of anger etc etc. But you. You are articulate and wise. You mentioned you were portly. Would you be up for doing bit excercise? Maybe not. Read barely black francis's story he has just written. Oh dear. I wish l could say something of value to you. But l wish you the very best xx

Well that was a happy development. Just the thing you needed. Great! Hope it all works out for you Walrus- you deserve it.

Hello good people--reading these very helpful suggestions for Walrus is both inspiring and humbling. A side effect of a stroke is depression, and I have been on a prescription for the past twelve years, since my own took place in 1999. Meaningful work, Volunteer opportunities and personal hobbies such as writing is the way to get outside of oneself. Your last note appears very positive---congratulations. Richard LP

Hey Walrus I recently starting to admit to myself that I've been a depressive for a very long time. All my sisters suffer from it and so did my parents so it's pretty easy to accept. I'm the only one who's an addict in my family but it all seems to stem from depression anyway as it's my head that's the problem and not the booze, drugs, gambling. they're just symptoms of my illness. Having tried almost all illegal drugs and imagining that they're much better than legal ones (don't try Lariam whatever you do), I've shied away from anti-depressants as a matter of course and only delved into them twice. Once was two years ago but I got scared after six weeks when I went to a fancy dress party in Italy and found myself emotionally frozen and completely fucked. I stopped taking them, believing that the drug had caused these feelings of alienation. A few months ago, I went through a particularly morose time half-contemplating doing away with myself. I was so lost in self-pity that I couldn't get out of it but essentially this was a time when I wasn't doing enough for others and my apathy to being part of the world around me had me locked in myself. I went to my GP and he suggested a course of anti-deps so I reminded him about my experiences with them. He asked me to explain so I told him about the fancy dress party and he asked whether it may have been something else, something to do with my childhood, and only then did I twig that I used to be dressed up at Xmas by my older sisters and presented into a room with people. I'm two years clean now and starting to see how things are rather than how I'd like to see them so I was more open to thinking back to this time. I started taking anti-deps a week ago and I'm keeping an open mind as to whether they might help or not. It feels like 'being on drugs' in a way already, and I don't want to jeopardise my quest to gain conscious contact with my higher power, but I'm enjoying the ride so far. A friend calls it 'taking a holiday'. I was getting waves of massive, overwhelming tiredness and did a blood test and found I've got high potassium so I've got to do a non-fasting blood test to find out more but what will be will be. The main thing is I'm out there trying to help people again and having a good time while I'm at it. Voluntary work is key to my wellbeing and the saying 'life is a selfish program' starts to take on new meaning when we begin to differentiate between selfishness and self-centredness. If I feel good helping others, then it's selfishness that drives my good nature because I know how giving makes me feel amazing. I'm a volunteer corrdinator for an amazing charity and I take a lovely old woman every week to town. I go see my Mum and I try not to judge people/get angry in the car/see the bad in people/look at what I can get out of people etc. because it just doesn't get me anywhere ever. People are the same as me and if I can see through them they can see through me! Keep on truckin', Walrus. Asking for help is key. I have a fellowship of people who understand me because they have the exact same illness as me and I go to meetings four or five nights a week to stay clean. If I wasn't an addict, I don't know where I'd go but I'm sure that if you weren't an addict and wanted to come to an AA/NA meeting, no one would mind in the slightest. A huge proportion of alcoholics and addicts are depressive and in fact that is where the problem lies, in the mind, so you'd most likely have alot of empathy with what people share. If the meeting is 'open', that means that anyone is welcome. If it's 'closed' it means that it's only for alcies/addicts. I don't know of any fellowships specifically for depression but there may well be. Check it out and failing that come along to AA or NA. If you were to replace alcohol or drugs for 'life', you'll be able to see we're all talking about the same thing; depression. Alcohol and drugs are used to relieve the mind of the pain of living 'in the real world' because we don't feel like we fit, so they're just a symptom. I'm rambling now. Whatever you do, give it a whirl with all your heart, be open to change and you'll find a new way to live. There's no luck in it- just hard work.

Good going Walrus- great- when you least expect it , eh!

Walrus, my husband was unemployed for two years when my children were young and I have suffered from depression for short periods at various times in my life. I am not afraid of taking anti-depressants because I see them as just getting me through a difficult chapter. I always know when I'm ready to come off from them because it is the time when I feel I can't be bothered to go and get them. Physical work such as kennel work can be good too. Animal charities would jump at any help you could give. All l would say is that no one has all good luck and by the same token no one has all bad. We thought we would never get out of our situation but fate played a hand and we came through it on the other side. Stick together and you will come through it too and be the stronger for it. My very best wishes Moya

Sorry to hear about your troubles Walrus. I suffer from depression as well and the period I spent unemployed for 2 years was the bleakest of my life, it makes a huge difference to be up and out at work, where you can convince yourself you're being useful. I really hope one of these leads works out for you

You're doing an admirable job, Walrus, and my hat is sseriously taken off to you for your commitment to your family. It reminds me that hard work always pays off in the end, even when dealing with the Jobcentre's website. They reward perseverance and you have that quality in abundance. Keep on truckin', buddy. Your kids will be proud of you.