souvenirs...

I never bring anything back but I can't resist buying guide books before I go. It's straight out of Thomas Cooks straight into Waterstones for me even if I've booked a year in advance. Restaurants and bars are what I'm looking for. I reckon I've got at least three guide books for everywhere I've been in the last twenty years.

I always bring back maps and especially street plans of cities and towns I've visited. I am a compulsive map collector, it may have something to do with insecurity, not wishing to be lost!

i generally try to bring back a barometer shaped like an elf cottage ...

i bring back the severed heads of english people when i venture down london way. makes a nice stew, the cheeks.

guide book - a must, just to get the travel juices flowing. a map - a must, especially if its a freebie that gets folded up and stuffed into a pocket and carted around all the nooks and crannies of all the streets and roads on it, covered in pasta sauce and dipped in spilled drink. barometer - never bought a barometer. although i did spend a whole afternoon gazing at the little man and woman in a weatherhouse in a Grindelwald cuckoo clock shop. the severed heads of english people - from england?... i've heard of that place... is it somewhere on the outskirts of dumfries?

my brother worked as a brickie in germany in the 70's ... he brought back a "disease" ... does that count?

did he keep his disease? i mean, could we nip round his house of an afternoon and take a shifty at it?

no duckie ... he decided not to keep it ... swift trip to the clinic and some of those broad antibiotic whatnots and he was right as rain ...

then no, it doesn't count. next?

so ... let me get this right MISTER star ... in order for a souvenir to COUNT one has to KEEP it?????

didn't say that. don't you raise your capitals at me young lady...

you argument is UTTERLY flawed!

*attempts to create distraction... "gosh fish! but you're beautiful when you're indignant. look at that bird over there on mrs coletart's roof!..."

hmmmmmm. I usually bring back artwork (if there's anything worthwhile to be found) or some kind of local fabric, such as silk from Thailand. Well, Thai silk is not very good, so I bought some Chinese silk and a nice handmade Cambodian silk decorative item. But I did have a Thai tailor make a Chinese silk jacket for me, does that count? From Brazil I brought back a couple of small sculptures. One is a hand with the thumb stuck out like a hitch-hiker. the other is a head, screaming face, with hands on the head as it pulling its hair out. It is really great, carved from torquoise bearing rock. From Thailand I brought back a bunch of books written by a Canadian who has lived in Bangkok for many years. They are mostly hard-boiled detective fiction. This guy may not be the world's best writter, but he is quite competent and makes a living at it, which is more than I have managed so far. Christopher Moore. Worth checking out his web site briefly: www.cgmoore.com

excuse me mr. dogstar sir ... does stealing ashtrays count? ... what i mean IS of course ... to be perfectly CLEAR ... if one steals an ashtray from a foreign hotel or bar or somesuch place where ashtrays are to be found ... and you bring that ashtray back (and KEEP it) ... then does the ASHTRAY count as a SOUVENIR????

Is he a good writer, though, Justyn, that's the point...? I usually bring back artwork, too. It's lighter than the other stuff, although I have a fondness for stones (quiet you lot!), so often end up lugging large chunks of amethyst/rose quartz/jade around in me rucksak. To make room, I discard most of my clothes en route...

yeah I have a bit of a fondness for stones too. Whenever I go somewhere foreign or a beautiful part of Britain.. I bring back a stone from the place or a piece of marble. To remind me of the place.

stealing ashtrays would count if it wasn't for the fact i don't want to be caught condoning the act of stealing ashtrays unless said act could be said to constitute a blow in entirety or in part against the fascist capitalist consumerist otherist-ness of tourism and suchlike. or unless i'm going to get capitalised at again by some fish in a strop, in which case yes it does. and stones are cool. especially when you have to dip your hands into the schwarze lutschine to get them like what i did this summer. i got some shells near oostende too ,and what was more fun was how i got to chase the seagulls off the jetty. which was nice...

*strokes souvenir ashtrays*

*takes polaroid of fish stroking souvenir ashtray and keeps it as a souvenir...

*awfully glad had hair done* i had a REAL souvenir once ... it was a straw donkey with those little real pots in panniers on its back ... also i had a plastic bull covered in a kind of flock/felt stuff which came off with repeated rubbing ... someone also bought me some pottery sardines ... and tell me ... souvenir expert (*sniggers up sleeve*) ... if someone brings back something edible from a foreign place (e.g. a wonderful cheese or somesuch thing) ... and you EAT it ... then it obviously isnt a souvenir is it? ... so what IS it???

Crap?

I'm still thinking about that felt-covered plastic bull. Almost sounds like some politician's campaign speech, doesn't it? C.G. Moore is a very good writer in my view; however, his genre is limited. If you like the hardboiled detective genre and an exotic locale, then you would enjoy his stuff. His latest book, Chairs, is a bit of a new direction for him, and it is his best work by far, I think. The premise is that there is a group of expat journalists/writers who meet at a cafe every Saturday for lunch. The book weaves together stories told by or about these folks over a period of time. It's very well done. Unfortunately, I think the only place to find his books are in Thailand itself or via his web site.

there is no such thing as a wonderful cheese. and this opinion is in no way whatsoever prejudiced by my dairy intolerance...

pah ... *noticing dogstar souvenir expert has not answered the question* .... anyway moving airily on ... have just realised i have a MARVELLOUS souvenir andrea ... and quite fitting for your posting above in fact ... on my kitchen wall is a photo in a frame ... i took it in amsterdam ... it is of the HOND IN DE GOOT sign on the pavement outside your house ... with its dashing little symbol of a squatting dog ...

from amsterdam i brought back a pack of vincent stamps and the memories of a bagpiper having a go at 'flower of scotland', two lads doing coke in an alley, a couple snorting up on a bridge, a butcher chasing someone through the redlight district (i was strictly on the shortest way across town, m'lud) and a really dull time trying to find a car park. apart from that, people ought to be able to tell the difference between bringing something back for eating and bringing something back for keeping. just because you do your groceries in france then cart them back home doesn't necessarily make them souvenirs. it might though...

also from amsterdam i brought back the memory of a man saying that talking to me was like being poked with a sharp stick ... *ignoring dog expert star*

well if you're intent on eating your souvenirs, can't you compromise like the rest of us and at the very least keep the container and or wrapper? sheesh...

well ... in the van there is a cheese box from a small cheese (a brie i think) ... which i use as an ashtray ... i think it counts as a souvenir even though it only came from loughborough ...

When I came back from Lake Garda, it was in the height of the Foot and Mouth crisis, so as we neared Calais, the driver told us all that we would not be allowed to bring back any meat or cheese. There were two lovely old biddies who were steadfast that they weren't throwing away their Parmigiano Reggiano and proceeded to eat it in big chunks. Don't know whether it is a souvenir, but I'll keep that memory for a while. Fish, the answer to all of your questions is surely that they WERE souvenirs up until the point of destruction, consumption or loss, then they were just nothing but memories.

Oooh, I bet I know who that was, Fish! The sharp stick, I mean... The cheek of it!

yes ... well andrea ... least said about HIM the better ...

I did bring back some seeds from Amsterdam does that count as a souvenir?

i like sharp sticks anyway... i mean, for one thing, without them we wouldn't be able to play KERPLUNK!

depends funk ... did you eat them?

Nah man I grew them... I had fifteen and planted 14 of them and kept one for a keepsake.

awwww 14 lovely sunflower plants ... fa la laaaaaa

*just notices* ... KERPLUNK!!!!!????

*wondering if Stick Man was attempting to make a pun* Ah, maybe that's it: is KERPLUNK a game for making puns?

nope. KERPLUNK! is a game for shouting KERPLUNK! and keeping the thread off theme its an asbent souvenir from my childhood. *pouts

i have got KERPLUNK! *looks smug*

Didn't need to 'specially import all those (sunflower) seeds from A'dam ya know, Funk...birdseed all over the world's full of 'em... Phyllis would know...

the sneaky ploys some fish will use just to get people round to their house. i bet KERPLUNK is on top of the wardobe in the bedroom too...

oops the ! fell out of the above post

*loading pointy sticks and marbles*

Lost yer knickers, then, Fish? (Refer back to 'ancient topics')

Would they count as a souvenir?

Oh, without a trout, Thyme...

I have a fetish for the soft cigarette packets overseas...they fit nicely in your pocket and sit quite comfortably in your bra too!

Andrea, I am supposed to be pun free. Don't tempt me like that.