Craig's story
Fri, 2005-12-16 13:28
#1
Craig's story
Attention grabbing because it's describing a real event, someobody's death. A few points to improve it:
Why trail the conclusion by saying he's already dead at the end of para 1?
Use of present and past tense inconsistent (e.g."I wanted to laugh...)
If something's a "well worn cliché" it's not worth underlining.
Why are police "incredibly" considerate? I know some police officers and can well believe they are professional and caring people.
I would have liked to know more about what was on the band's website (is there really one, can we have a link?)
In the terms of the final line, I think the reader would come to that conclusion, maybe the final words are not needed.
chimpy
craig's story by Christine Ashby
camus
hahahah...can you post a link please, highlight the node at top of page when you are on christines story, copy and then paste.
fergal
Here go ladies,
http://www.abctales.com/story/christine-ashby/craigs-story
Ashbee
Hello all
Thank you for taking the time to read Craig's story - for those who haven't found it the link is http://www.abctales.com/node/546903.
Chimpy - your comments are valid. I suppose the only way I can explain the comment about the police (and I was married to a met flying squad officer, Craig's father, so I know what I'm talking about) is that the DS who had our 'case' took the time to travel from London to where I live now with a lock of Craig's hair when the case was closed. He came up by train, met me at the station, took time to ask about Craig as a human and then gave me the lock of hair that had been taken for obvious reasons. I can't explain how that touched me.
The website for the band is www.scarredangels.com. They were becoming quite well known in their part of north London...
Anyway, thank you for taking the time to read and comment on this piece. It was written to tell the world about Craig and about SADS. I hope it has done that.
Chris