How should a synopsis read????? TWO

How should a synopsis read? If you know... tell me please!
It may look long but it is only one page.
My second attempt.

Out For Blood
Synopsis

Not long after the turn of the twentieth century Physician Thomas Martins had finally succeeded in creating the formula that he had been working on for some time. Based on stem-cell regeneration it gave its recipient longevity. How long has not yet been established, as to date none of his flock have died from natural causes. This was due to the formulas’ properties which caused continual regeneration of their cells. However, it didn’t come side-effect-free, two major flaws were discovered by Martins, but only after he had been injected. His flock of followers whom he had labelled his “Collective” were offered the injection by Martins but were not told of the flaws that accompanied it. The first of these flaws was the fear of water; fear because if they touched it, it burnt their flesh, getting caught in the rain for one of the “Collective” was a fatal mistake. The second of these flaws was even more aberrant; it gave them cannibalistic tendencies, it turned them into the drinkers of blood. They have now lived like this for almost 100 years.

After a ninth young girl had gone missing in Richmond Virginia in 2007 one of the mothers hired two Private Investigators to find her daughter, Larry Kessler and Gregg Pierroni. While Gregg was working on the case he himself mysteriously disappeared after following a lead given to him by Celia Brontrose, who claimed to be a Psychic. A Psychic with her own agenda where the “Collective” are concerned. Vicky Meredith and Jill Gordon are two nineteen-year-olds who become entangled in the mayhem when they accidentally hit Gregg with their car as he is running from his blood thirsty pursuers. All three are then taken back to town and locked in cells’, once there they undergo a night of multiple horrific occurrences, all with Vampiristic overtones. A large summer storm begins to move in over the town causing panic among the “Collective” as they scurry for shelter.

Larry Kessler and their secretary Brenda Wise are worried for Gregg and decide to pay the Psychic a visit. Whilst there they are told of a story so fantastic they themselves find hard to believe. Under duress the Psychic agrees to help them in their efforts to find Gregg and the missing girls. In the process she discovers that the “Collective” have taken her own daughter as revenge for her part in trying to destroy them months earlier.

Gregg and Jill eventually manage to escape from their cell but Gregg refuses to leave town until he has rescued the girls; that is if any of them are still alive. Jill agrees to help him and they are assisted by a very lost Pyrotechnician called Nick Demby from New York, Nick was on his way down to Cleveland for a Science Fiction Convention but ran out of fuel just a half mile out of town. When told of their situation Nick can’t believe his sci-fi luck. Together the three of them bring the story to a heart-racing and explosive fuel filled ending.