School run home on the A21: Camilla

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Mon, 2006-08-07 09:10
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span
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School run home on the A21: Camilla

http://www.abctales.com/story/camilla/school-run-home-on-the-a21

Morning!
Mondays eh.

Really enjoyed Camilla's batch of poems. A fine way to start a Monday.
Visited a pocket of places, which was fun.

I hope you do not mind, but there were a few tiny things that halted my enjoyment.
I was wondering why in this poem you chose not to start with a capital letter or finish with a full stop?

It also reads well out loud, so I understand why you shose short lines, but personally that interupts my brain.
I am more than sure that this is not the case for everyone.
I can only speak for myself.
Otherwise very enjoyed.
Particularly the dettol clouds and the granny hair trees.
Awesome.

Span

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pepsoid
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I think the short lines make it more of a "journey"... read this & "Lunch" so far... luvvin 'em! Off to read the rest... ~PEPS~ “You do not truly know someone until you fight them.”

The All New Pepsoid the Second!

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pepsoid
pepsoid's picture
Read 'em... beautiful! Indeed a fine way to start a Monday... Particularly like the delightful slice of mundanity that is "Transportation" and the alternative take on emigration-to-sunnier-climes that is "The Possibility of Weather"... I actually find the lack of punctuation and capitalisation makes Camilla's poems easier on the eye and feel more... palatable... Succint sprinklings of satisfaction! ~PEPS~ “You do not truly know someone until you fight them.”

The All New Pepsoid the Second!

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Juliet OC
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this too is excellent but in a very diferent way to Lunch - to give credibility to a child's voice is very difficult and this pulls it off brilliantly. Juliet

Juliet

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camilla
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I am often seriously challenged in the punctuation department.I sort of think though that the A21 poem is so much to do with the Mothers steam of consciousness and baby talk that it might be OK.The form (short lines ) is what one sees as you queue on the A21 at Tonbridge.A long thin vista.

 

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camilla
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sometimes they pop out without being an obvious sentence at all.Are there accepted conventions? When the lines have to relate to each other in several ways a full stop can interfere. I'm sure I never got over "In Just Spring" because I am a lazy Guernsey

 

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skinsen
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I like the day dream like quality the form gives - no capitals or punctuation - it does follow a stream of thought like passing traffic or indeed the chug chug chug of being on a train staring out of the window.
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span
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As I said, it is just personal taste. I can see what you mean with the line of traffic. It is a ridiculous prejuidice on my part that I tend not to take poems with too short or too long a lines as seriously cos I feel more aware of what the poet is trying to do but that is my issue not yours. If you have not already done so, maybe worth trying it in different forms and seeing how it works. Still very much enjoyed. Span
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skinsen
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you are right span. Hair Shirt is a great example of what you crave I think (I love it).
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pepsoid
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I'd say, with poetry, there aren't (or shouldn't be) any "accepted conventions" with regard of punctuation, capitalisation, etc, etc - whatever works for the poem! ~PEPS~ “You do not truly know someone until you fight them.”

The All New Pepsoid the Second!

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span
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Yes I agree Pepsoid, hence the 'it is just personal taste' comment. Span
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pepsoid
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It's nice to agree! :-) ~PEPS~ “You do not truly know someone until you fight them.”

The All New Pepsoid the Second!

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span
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Pepsoid, grrrrr. You do not have to try to be controversial over everything. Span
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pepsoid
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Eh? What? I'm not! I'm being sincere! Hence the following smilies... :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) ~PEPS~ “You do not truly know someone until you fight them.”

The All New Pepsoid the Second!

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span
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Excellent. Span
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