Brothers in Arms by Juliet OC

I thought that as well, very powerful, would have liked to have said more than just 'I liked this piece it was powerful' but not much I can offer. powerful whilst uncomfortable at the same time. Craig

thank you both, your comments mean a lot. One question: Do I need to write "Brothers in arms" in the story itself? The reason i ask is because i am concerned by leaving it in then the reader only connects with the literal meaning of that saying (brothers going to war together), rather than seeing it as the thread that holds the whole story together. He (Mick) is in Heather's arms, and Jake his brother is in the narrators arms at the end. thoughts and comments gratefully recieved. Juliet

WOW Juliet! Hits you right between the breasts! Great pace, honesty and clarity. I believe you crafted this piece from a truth which only comes from experience. Well done. Frances. Check out my website: http://www.francesmacaulayforde.com

Yes, excellent. I would remove the 'Brothers in arms' from the text - not because it detracts from the theme, though, I just think that the title's enough. ~ www.fabulousmother.com

Thank you Frances, and yes I did begin to write this at the time. My way of dealing with it i guess. Richard died on January 4th, aged 36, but he did make christmas, he was a stubborn man and was determined not to leave his children with that awful memory. I would like to say it was a relief when he died, but it isn't. He wasn't ready, he had only been diagnosed a few months before. It was a tragic waste of a life. We have just returned from Snowdon where his two sons scattered his ashes, and now we all must learn to get on without him. On a writing note: Still after thoughts on that line 'Brothers in arms' should it stay in or out? Juliet

I got caught up in the story, and forgot to look out for the title in the text - to see if it fit okay. So, if it is there, I didn't notice it! Sad but well told story. Sorry about the loss, it must be a hard time all round.

It didn't register with me before, but now you've mentioned it, I say take it out. Enzo.. Buy my book! http://www.amazon.co.uk/o/ASIN/1846855187/

thanks 2lou and Enzo for helping me decide - its coming out. Thanks lisa for reading a commenting. Juliet

Hi Juliet, Yes, I would definitely take it out - just those words 'Brothers in arms.' It's cliched. And may I suggest you just call it 'In Arms'. Fabulous writing. Frances. Check out what I've been up to lately: http://www.francesmacaulayforde.com/MyBlog

yes - perfect. Thanks Frances. Juliet

"I’ve never really liked Heather; she’s got a dirty house and watches daytime TV" I love that. A real grabber at the start and makes you want to read on. The one thing I really like is the realisation of the narator at the end. At the first pass I thought it was a negative thing, however reparsing it afterwards I realise that its positive. To realise your own limits can only make you stronger as a person. The narrator now needs to deal with the death of part of their self image. None of us are really as nice as we think we are. I know I am certainly not!