24.4.06 by galfreda

I thought this was great, but I agree it reads more like a structured, rhythmic piece of prose than a poem.

A structured, rhythmic piece of prose is a poem.

Yes. I think there is a difference between a structured, rhythmic piece of prose and a poem, but I'm not sure what it is...:( Even less sure that it matters.

Hello. I'd assumed it was a poem until now (thanks BWMFB) but I have no idea what it is really, or even whether it works. I'm really pleased some of you have read it though, whatever it is. The prose/poem question (how each might work) is an interesting one....

I always get in these tangles when I try to discuss poetry. Believe it or not, am starting a Literature and Creative Writing course tomorrow. Memo to self: When they start discussing poetry, shut the f*** up...

I really like the sentiment too, but for me, whether poem or prose, the rhythm was a little difficult, one minute nicely lilting along, the next a bit abrupt, maybe. It took a few reads to find an easy way of reading it through.

Lucky you Margharita, where are you doing that? Let us know if it's any good.

I think it's a really good. The rhythm and repetition works really well for me. I think it works for it to be a bit uncomfortable to read it through because it's describing an uncomfortable situation. My only criticism is I think that the last section: "This web of word-mess is what happens When one person feels love for another person But is trying to hide it, at the expense of everything, Because to express it would be At the expense of everything" seems to be saying 'look, this is what I've been saying in this poem' when it would probably be better to leave the reader to work it out for themselves.

BWMFB - thank you, much appreciated - and I totally agree with you about the last section. I over-conclude everything. I am going to pretend that last bit isn't there (if you squint you can barely see it). Ta, Tony!

bukharinwasmyfavouritebolshevik innit. or Bugger, Where's My Flipping Doorkeys? Be Watchful: Many Folk Dissimulate. It's fun! Let's play acronym games (maybe not on this list though)