New poem: Conditional love

Angel, Although I wrote poetry for many years,I am not a very goood critic of the form. Poetry is a very personal means of expression that is hard for another to comment on critically.We all respond to differing stimuli.When composing a poem, I always retreated to some of the immortals(Blake, Keats, Sandburg,Frost, Byron,etc) for examples in employing "economy of expression," "verbal rhythm" and other metric cadences that give a poem its lilting beauty when read aloud. Your poem is brief and clear, and thus intelligible. The emotional feelings you place in it only gives us a glimmer of the passion surging beneath it.It is fine as is. Don't worry too much about what others think of your work.Give it your best effort, make it clear and appealing, so others understand your message. After that, who cares? You are a writer, so keep on writing. Rock on. J.X.M

I think that the sentiments are fine and expressed really clearly and well. What worries me about poetry like this is that it is essentially one dimensional. It says what it says and that's that. Poetry, for me, needs to suggest far more - to allow the reader to see deeply into the meaning of the words (and possibly not come to the same conclusion or meaning as the writer). I think I need more mystery than this.

Hello and welcome.I think I echo TCs comments really, that for me poetry needs to describe feeling or experience but in a unique and imaginative way.If one takes art as an example someone could paint a view very much like a photograph or as they see it,with a twist.Iv been reading Carol Ann Duffy lately "Rapture" and Forward 2007.There are poems in both that make one laugh ,go ooh ah and then try not to to be overcome with helpless envy.Imagination must be like a muscle and some people are Olympians. but again welcome.

Carol Ann Duffy, just a genius...

Agree with TC's comments although I think this also applies to lots of other forms of writing, not just poetry. I'd also add that this poem says what it says primarily to the person it's directed at. On that level, as a communication between two people in a relationship, or thinking about being in a relationship, it's quite effective. As a piece of writing on its own, when read by someone who isn't the recipient and doesn't know the author, it doesn't really offer very much to the reader.