ode to a butterfly

yes lovely poem:) hopefully the author isnt one of the new flooders .... !

Yes, this is very good. I hope it receives a nice cherry

poetry that i understand and beautifully executed. Juliet

Come on, kids. I think we should be using this forum for more than simply saying, 'Nice piece'. What did you like about it? What could be improved? This has some great images in it - the three lines on the books in particular. Honing in on the mouth for the second stanza works as well. I like 'admiral red', but I do think it's misused in this context. If the eyes are red with lack of sleep, then 'admiral red' doesn't ring true. Raw, tired eyes are more a kind of dark-pinky-red, rather than bright orangey scarlet. I thought the 'academics feigning brains' was a bit too catty (at least *some* of them are genuinely super-brainy,) and I'm not sure if there's meant to be an apostrophe in there or not. As it stands, she is sitting too close to the academics, who are feigning brains. This doesn't seem right - you can feign a state, but not an object. I think it's intended to be 'academics' feigning brains' meaning the feigning brains of academics. There also need to be apostrophes in after 'Keats' and in 'Tennants'. This is isn't pedantry - it alters the meaning of the lines. Without an apostrophe, 'her life could be Keats' is like saying 'her life could be a poet'. Also, 'parkinsons' needs an apostrophe again, and a capital P. 'It's' should not have an apostrophe in it, otherwise it means 'it is ebony loneliness'. I think, with some grammatical correction and rethinking of a couple of the images, this would be a really smart little poem.

i'd just like to say again that i really loved this poem. and i also love that my level of understanding allows me to love it, just the way it is.

Well, I try... it takes a while though. And I do wonder if anyone gives a shit on here. Almost any attempt to examine things more closely seems to only result in frosty comments like Foster's. Pure encouragement is useful to a point, but I think people should take the time to try and say a few things about what it is they like about things, even if it means less comments overall. I know I'm pre-empting things that no one has actually said yet, but "I can't comment because I'm not a clever academic" is not acceptable. I also think it's unfair that me and other UEA'ers have been accused of only commenting on each other, when I know I have commented on others, and that I take time over my comments. I wouldn't accuse anyone directly, and I stress that I have no individual/s in mind when I say this, but I sometimes feel that flagging up lots of pieces of work without saying much about them is a lazy way of trying to make out that you're doing everyone a favour.

Hey everyone thanks for the comments, (and Foster for the flag), you're right Jack there are some grammatical errors that I will try to tighten up. As for academics feigning brains I know some of them are super brainy, but in this case one of the academics in question is myself and the reference is to the fact that mostly I have no idea what I am reading about. Admiral red, I grant you isn't great, but then again the woman's eyes aren't red through tiredness but through drink and drugs. (they were def red not pink anyway.) I appreciate your comments, as Black francis says you have an eye for these things, and it's always helpful to see your work through the eyes of others.

Jack, I think people do give a shit on here, well most of them anyway. I have always found your comments on people's work to be well balanced and constructive. I think sometimes it is difficult for people to say more than 'I like this ' or 'this is great' as they feel that they may be wrong, (I know sometimes I do). To be fair, I feel that any comment (well, within reason) on work is worthwhile, especially to new people that have written something good and who perhaps need a bit of encouragement to stay around.

I loved the imagery in this one, really caught fire for me. i too hope it gets a cherry when it is read.

Jasper please don't rewrite my poems, poetry is personal to the writer, it holds a meaning to them and quite frankly when you mess about with them in this way it fucks that meaning up! I appreciate getting feedback from Jack who's advice I value, you on the other hand I can do without. I would be grateful therefore if you edited your last post and stuck with writing your own stuff.

Thankyou.